stalest joke competiition

[dan80]

Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn't he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.

[speedfreak44]

A blonde walks into a doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, "Doc, I hurt all over." The doctor is really confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all over?" The blonde says, "I'll show you."

She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!" So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?" The blonde says "Yes, why?"

The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger..."

[COROLLA KID]

Man: Dahlin it have room for me in dem jeans?

Woman: Nah! It only have room for one cu*t in here.

[stev]

^^boy dat joke get beat out more dan ah naked woman runnin tru ah jail yard.

[COROLLA KID]

oh my bad, my bad,........here's my comeback

What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?

BYE-SON! "bison"

[stev]

^^^hahahah....dat WIN!!!

[speedfreak44]

The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that nookie when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

[*$kїđž!™]

The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that nookie when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

[stev]

ABASH: A high school graduation party.

ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

ACCOUNT: A Countess's husband.

ACRE: Literally means the amount of land plowable in one day. So in my case it would be four feet by four feet.

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

ANTIQUE: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.

ARBITRATOR (ar'-bi-tray'-ter): A cook that leaves Arby's to work at Burger King.

ATHEISM is a non-prophet organization. -- George Carlin

AVOIDABLE (uh-voy'-duh-buhl'): What a bullfighter tries to do.

BALDERDASH: A rapidly receding hairline.

BARIUM: What we do to most people when they die.

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

BEAUTY PARLOR: Places where women curl up and dye.

BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CANTALOUPE: Gotta get married in a church.

CAR SICKNESS: The feeling you get when the car payment is due.

CATALOGS: Rails used to build cow fences.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but do not read.

CLOTHES DRYER: An appliance designed to eat socks.

COFFEE: A person who is coughed upon.

COLLEGE: The four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

CONTROL (kon'-trol): A short, ugly inmate.

COURTESY: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

DERANGE: Where de buffalo roam.

DICTIONARY: A place where success comes before work.

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage.

DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, Fire Department and Places that deliver.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.\

ETERNITY: The last two minutes of a football game.

EYEDROPPER (i'-drop-ur): A clumsy ophthalmologist.

EXPERIENCE : The name men give to their mistakes.

FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FANCY RESTAURANT: One that serves cold soup on purpose.

FATHER: A banker provided by nature.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FLABBERGASTED: Appalled over how much weight you have gained.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him/her.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

GRANDMOTHER: A baby-sitter who doesn't hang around the refrigerator.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

GROCERY LIST:. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

GUM: Adhesive for the hair.

HAIR DRESSER: Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

HEROES (hee-rhos'): What a guy in a boat does.

HINDSIGHT: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

HORS D'OEUVRES: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

KISSING: A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.

[COROLLA KID]

What did the tampon and the dildo say to each other?

nothing, they're both stuck up BUGWAANAAS

[Ronaldo95163]

How much does four Chineese men weigh in a car?
wanton

[LOCO]

From my 5 year old son...........

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?

A: A monkey!

[stark_007]

why kartel went to the zoo?





























to see BLACK RYNO??

[sMASH]

From my 5 year old son...........

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?

A: A monkey!

well... i died.

[stark_007]

what shoe batman does wear?


















knight!!!!

[Kish]

[janfar]

TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH:
200 year old communications
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Port Elizabeth scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by their neighbors, in the weeks that followed, a Uitenhage archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the Herald read: "Uitenhage archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than of Port Elizabeth."

One week later, The Herald reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture in Despatch, Ole Olson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Despatch had already gone wireless.

[Ray Laks]

After being married for 30 years a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

Oh, he said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The bruises and swelling in his eyes and mouth are going down, and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles!

[mitsu_chick941]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'
And they say blondes are dumb....

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower.. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

[dan80]

Employee: Sir, you called me?

Boss: Yeah, Go to the restroom and masturbate.

Employee: (after few minutes) Done sir.

Boss: Do it again.

Employee: (after a few more minutes)Done it again.

Boss: Again

Employee: (now gasping and sweating profusely) Done sir

Boss: Do it once more.

Employee: I don't have much stamina again sir and there is nothing left inside me .

Boss: Very good. Here are the keys to my car. Drop my daughter home

[Trini Hookah]

^ BC/Wa Chubble is Dis

[dan80]

^my berry ain't fixed yet so i wouldn't know if is a BC or not :/

[Trini Hookah]

We seeing yuh Sunday dan? We real saying dan80 and us have words in the group

[dan80]

isa cool scene... i ca make for the beach lime tho, have a few obligations for sunday, next sweat for it -_-

[Mizaf]

 
 
A mad man at the St ann's Mental Hospital climbed a tree for half day.
 
All of a sudden he let go and fell to the ground full force.
 
A Doctor rushed to the scene, when he asked him why he let go, he said,
 
"Mi Ripe"
 

[trinimusic]

nice ones fellas keep them commin..


what day does call a rabbit from india?







ki say bane

[JoeBama]

Bookie...nice one!

[hong kong phooey]

A rasta man & his fren went swimming.
The fren was drowning, he shout Jah help I,
he came up the second time & shout Selassi save I,
he came up the third time & shout Jesus my lord have mercy on ur son.
He drowned.
The police came to investigate and he ask the fren wat happen?
Y u didn't save him?
He said offsa, him call jah, him call selassi, him call Jesus Christ & him see mi sit down right ya soh and him never call I.

[mitsu_chick941]

[streaminhonda]

What do you call 3 cubes in a row???













































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