stalest joke competiition

[Halfbreed07]

whats the oldest living animal on earth?


the zebra, cause its in black and white

[evo_chic]

An American, a Japanese and a Trini dies in separate vehicular accidents and, upon reaching the Pearly Gates, were greeted by St. Peter who tells them that heaven is a bit crowded, so he needs to get a valid explanation of how each of them died.

The American says "Man, my car has been wrote off the books, but I worked a 12-hour shift and I fell asleep on the wheel and next thing you know, i'm here.."

The Japanese says, "My car was in great condition; turbo, intercooler, suspension system, but while going 180km/hr, I skidded off the road."

"The Trini says, "Well look here, I spend meh money, got a paint job, put music and 17" chromes and ah best a/c system.. up to now it still wukkin top-ah-de-line.

So St. Peter stopped to ask.. "So how exactly did you die"













The Trini replied, "Starvation.

[silver]

[sharkman121]

Halfbreed07,

[TG7788]

Q: Why don't the hire cross eyed teachers?
A: Because they can't contol their puplils.

[TG7788]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the
White House
in D.C.
One from America , another from Guyana and the third,
Trinidad
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
the American contractor takes out a tape measure and does
some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil.
Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about
$900: $400 for
material, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'
The Guyana contractor also does some measuring and
figuring, then
says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials,
$300 for my crew
and $100 profit for me.'
The Trini contractor doesn't measure or figure, but
leans over to
the White House official and whispers, '$2,700'.
the official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even
measure like the other
guys!'
how did you come up with such a high figure?'
the Trini contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000
for you,
and we hire the guy from Guyana to fix the fence.'
'Done!', replies the government official.

[^Pretty^]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the
White House
in D.C.
One from America , another from Guyana and the third,
Trinidad
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
the American contractor takes out a tape measure and does
some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil.
Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about
$900: $400 for
material, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'
The Guyana contractor also does some measuring and
figuring, then
says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials,
$300 for my crew
and $100 profit for me.'
The Trini contractor doesn't measure or figure, but
leans over to
the White House official and whispers, '$2,700'.
the official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even
measure like the other
guys!'
how did you come up with such a high figure?'
the Trini contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000
for you,
and we hire the guy from Guyana to fix the fence.'
'Done!', replies the government official.

[honda hoe]

Two Trinis wukkin in de same office. One wanted some time off, but knew
de boss wouldn't allow him to take leave.
He decided to act crazy so the boss would tell him to take a few days
off.

He hung upside down from the ceiling so the other Trini ask him "Whey
you doin'?"

"Ah pretendin to be ah light bulb so de boss will tink ah crazy and give
meh time off for ah few days".

Just then de boss walk in. "Whey d arse you doing?"

"I is ah light bulb" the Trini say.

De boss then said, "Man you stress out. You need ah few days off to
recover...go home and come back when you feel better."

The other Trini start walking out the door too...

De boss ask him "Whey de hell you tink you going?"

The other Trini replied "I going home....ah cyah wuk in de dark."

[azoturbo]

An American, a Japanese and a Trini dies in separate vehicular accidents and, upon reaching the Pearly Gates, were greeted by St. Peter who tells them that heaven is a bit crowded, so he needs to get a valid explanation of how each of them died.

The American says "Man, my car has been wrote off the books, but I worked a 12-hour shift and I fell asleep on the wheel and next thing you know, i'm here.."

The Japanese says, "My car was in great condition; turbo, intercooler, suspension system, but while going 180km/hr, I skidded off the road."

"The Trini says, "Well look here, I spend meh money, got a paint job, put music and 17" chromes and ah best a/c system.. up to now it still wukkin top-ah-de-line.

So St. Peter stopped to ask.. "So how exactly did you die"













The Trini replied, "Starvation.

tek win

[Spicy]

what do you call ants that are friends?


pal ants!!!!

[evo_chic]

An American, a Japanese and a Trini dies in separate vehicular accidents and, upon reaching the Pearly Gates, were greeted by St. Peter who tells them that heaven is a bit crowded, so he needs to get a valid explanation of how each of them died.

The American says "Man, my car has been wrote off the books, but I worked a 12-hour shift and I fell asleep on the wheel and next thing you know, i'm here.."

The Japanese says, "My car was in great condition; turbo, intercooler, suspension system, but while going 180km/hr, I skidded off the road."

"The Trini says, "Well look here, I spend meh money, got a paint job, put music and 17" chromes and ah best a/c system.. up to now it still wukkin top-ah-de-line.

So St. Peter stopped to ask.. "So how exactly did you die"













The Trini replied, "Starvation.

tek win

w0ot! w0ot!!

[mafia generation]

so why de lollipop was in the middle of the road!!!!!!












cause he wanted tuh get lick down..............

[Stuckindmud]

girl : aye , ent you does make fish broth with the boys al the time?
boy : yeah
girl: So how yuh does make it ?
boy: you boil everything
girl: but what yuh does put in a broth?
boy: ... whatever yuh broth
girl:

[Vani]

[toybago]

what's the difference between tiger woods and santa clause????








santa stopped at three "ho's

[evo_chic]

so why de lollipop was in the middle of the road!!!!!!












cause he wanted tuh get lick down..............

omg..

[evo_chic]

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'

'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible,' said the man'. And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life.'

'Where's Patrick Manning's clock?' asked the man.

'Manning's clock is in Jesus' office.



He's using it as a ceiling fan.

[mafia generation]

evo_chic,

[Invisible]

His Holiness the Pope is on an official visit to Trinidad and Tobago.

At a welcome rally at the National Stadium, he is seated next to Prime Minister

Patrick Manning on the stage in front of the huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Manning and says , "Do you know that with

one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go

wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of

your followers, but go deep into their hearts, and they'll forever speak

of this day and rejoice!"

Patrick replied, "I seriously doubt that.. With one little wave of

your hand? Show me."

So the Pope slapped him.

[redsupra101]

His Holiness the Pope is on an official visit to Trinidad and Tobago.

At a welcome rally at the National Stadium, he is seated next to Prime Minister

Patrick Manning on the stage in front of the huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Manning and says , "Do you know that with

one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go

wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of

your followers, but go deep into their hearts, and they'll forever speak

of this day and rejoice!"

Patrick replied, "I seriously doubt that.. With one little wave of

your hand? Show me."

So the Pope slapped him.

rofl

[Damien]

[mafia generation]

[d spike]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------! --------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.

[d spike]

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Side of Life


Good: Your wife is pregnant. :
Bad it's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: Your wife can't find her birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your oldest son understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than your wife.

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your 10 year old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

Good: Your 15 year old daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Very Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

[d spike]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren." and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna." and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.

"Sara Pipalini." replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't
ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and
says. "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by
1,400 men in 6 months."

[d spike]

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the plane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're heading straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
Just at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna bloody well die."

[greatbear]

what do u call an indian dat likes to party???











Palan Singh

[Stuckindmud]

^^
it was only a matter of time .. lol

[gunsmoke]

what do u call an indian dat likes to party???











Palan Singh

what do u call a gunta who like to party?

guntakant

[bnrampage]

A Rasta man and his wife are getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife said,i brought the child into this world with pain and labor.I should have custody. The judge turns to the husband,What you have to say ? The Rasta man sat for a while contemplating.Your Honor, if I man put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it, ‘I and I’ or the machine’s ?