stalest joke competiition

[hong kong phooey]

might be a repost but keeping the thread alive

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, 'Father... During World War II a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'

The priest replied, 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'

'There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours.

This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.

The priest said, 'That was a long time ago, and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger; but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'

'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'

'And what is that, my son?'


“Should I tell her the war is over?â€

[hong kong phooey]

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.


Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.


One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.


Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.


After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.


The next day, one woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said,


'These damn girls' night out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties.'


'You think that's bad' said the other husband, 'Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her ass that says: 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'

[hong kong phooey]

Daddy's car in the woods?

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mommy, I was at the playground
and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

A t the d inner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the rigs.'

Mommy fainted!

[hong kong phooey]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.

'It's a period,' he replied.

'I can see that,' said the teacher, 'but what is so exciting about a period?

Darned if I know,' he said, 'but this morning my sister was missing one, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy.

[bluesteel29]

[d spike]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because the chicken was on the other side

[bluesteel29]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because the chicken was on the other side

I said No.....

[hong kong phooey]

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...



Sum Ting Wong

[hong kong phooey]

A husband and wife are shopping in Tesco when the man picks up a crate
of Stella and sticks it into the trolley. "What do you think you're
doing?" asks the wife. "They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans", he
replies. "Put them back. We can't afford it" says the wife, and they
carry on shopping...



A few aisles later, the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks
it into the trolley. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the man..
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful" she says.


The man replies... "so does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the f***ing price"!

[QG]

A judge asked a possible Prostitue, "when did you realize you got raped"?
She repied:
"When I did not get paid".


qhaqhaqhahahahahahahaha

[TRD...all the way]

......BUMP!!!

[hong kong phooey]

On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company
noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.


He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
"How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"


Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".



The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.



Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies to everybody in this company"



He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,

"Who's the young man I just fired?"


To which an amazing reply came -

"He was the pizza delivery guy, Sir!"

[Andy]

what do you call 2 mexican playing basketball...........?
















Juan & Juan !!!

[scabs]

[Damien]

A judge asked a possible Prostitue, "when did you realize you got raped"?
She repied:
"When I did not get paid".


qhaqhaqhahahahahahahaha

[hong kong phooey]

Married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that One day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs Sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and the entire spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
Which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, Her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

[hong kong phooey]

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.

She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man
standing there.
He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?'.
She slams the door in disgust..
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is
the same man and he asks the same question of the woman
'Do you have a vagina'.
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells
him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned
voice 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in
case this guy shows up again'.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and
both run for the door.
The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice
'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen
and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to see where he is going with
it'.
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks
the same question.
Do you have vagina'........ 'Yes' she
says......
The man replies Good! Would you mind telling your
husband to leave my wife's alone and start using
yours'?

[Captainzaak]

bomp.

[area6]

ah man walk into this thread and get sticheddd

[Andy]

What do u call 2 mexican playing basketball...........???




















Juan & Juan

[d spike]

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?






still no eye-deer

[rjaggs]

what do you call a cow on three legs??????




























lean beef

[rjaggs]

what do you call a cow with no legs????


















ground beef

[evo_chic]

What is the smallest part of the FIAT?























The owner's brain...

[evo_chic]

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?














An airbag.

[bluesteel29]

Oh My

[evo_chic]

Yesterday ah was in San'do. Ah walk out ah store which ah was in for only about 5 minutes a damn police writing a parking ticket ...

So, I went to him and said: "Officer, give ppl ah chance nah."

Well de man ignore meh and continue writing de ticket.

So, ah start beggin in all kinda different ways . De man watch mih and started writing another ticket for having illegal tint.

So, ah say "Oh gorsh officer, all that? It have actual jobs beside this to take care of in T&T.

Man finish the second ticket and put it on the car with the first one. Then he started to write a third ticket!

This went on for about 15 minutes ... the more I beg de man, the more tickets he wrote ...

















(YUH READY??)

























But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked 'round De corner ...

[bluesteel29]

evo_chic, i will glady treat u to dinner if u stop

[DISRESPECTFUL KONCEPT]

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead p***y.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

[evo_chic]

evo_chic, i will glady treat u to dinner if u stop

this thread was made for stale jokes... why stop now??