stalest joke competiition

[mitsu_chick941]

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter
He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks "Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants
The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head
And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"

[Spitfir3]

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter
He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks "Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants
The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head
And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"

[hong kong phooey]

A koala was sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint whan a litle lizard walks past, looks up and says" Hey Koala! what u doing?"

The Koala says:" Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the koala climbs up and sits next to the koala and have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry and is going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard is so stoned that he leans over too far and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the bank, he asks the little lizard:"Whats the matter with you?'
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting, smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and fell in the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he have to check this out and walks into the rainforest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting, finishing a joint, looks up and says "hey you!'

So the Koala looks down at him and says:
"Fuuuuck dude .... how much water did u drink?!!"

[Taranchular]

An art teacher told his students to draw something pertaining to the oil field, while walking around the class he noticed a boy drawing something looking like ah fig, he asked the boy what is that, a fig have nothing to do with the oil company, the boy replied, sir, this is AH MOKO!!!

[mitsu_chick941]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!


'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. .





Wait for it. .


It's coming. .


The suspense is killing you, isn't it?












She says:
'You just happened to catch my eye.'

[mitsu_chick941]

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...

when behind him he hears:

Bump...



BUMP...



BUMP...



Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.



BUMP...



BUMP...



BUMP...




Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him



FASTER...



FASTER...


BUMP...



BUMP...



BUMP...


He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.






However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping


clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...




clappity-BUMP...





on his heels, the terrified man runs.





Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.









Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!





Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...



and,



(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)










The coffin stops

[AYE_SOLDIER]

mitsu_chick ur stale humor wins

[mitsu_chick941]

[Country_Bookie]

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

[battlefield 3]

Ah man walks into a bar and ask a female bartender, "Eh meh gurl, ah wah ah stag, ah carib, ah henessy and one ah you".... She say , "one ah me???? D man say yeah ah Monster!!!

[X_Factor]

A little boy is pulling a rope down the beach when a man asks the boy "Why are you pulling that rope?" the boy replies " Have you ever tried pushing a rope?

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

```what would a trini, call a guy that has been severely sun burnt?






































Chad!

[mitsu_chick941]

[Kongorealm]

Ah man walks into a bar and ask a female bartender, "Eh meh gurl, ah wah ah stag, ah carib, ah henessy and one ah you".... She say , "one ah me???? D man say yeah ah Monster!!!

this

[crazybalhead]

I done after bullaha and bullahin.

[skylinechild]

I done after bullaha and bullahin.

technically you done after sumintra

[mitsu_chick941]

On a really hot day,
four nuns were assigned
to paint a room
in their church.

After sweating
for a few hours
in those black robes,
they decided to
take off all their clothes
and paint naked.

An hour later,
someone knocked
on the door
of the church.

"Who is it?"
they called out.
"I'm the blind man,"
came the reply.
The nuns decided
to let him in
since he wouldn't
be able to see them.
They opened the door
and led him to the room
they were painting.
They were surprised
when he walked around
the room
with no difficulty.



"Okay, sisters," he said,where do you want the blinds?"

[AYE_SOLDIER]

^

[DVSTT]

not really a joke bt its funny

[stev]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have
a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put
him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"



"No, because he's really heavy".







Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the night.

[DVSTT]

^^ LOL!

[COROLLA KID]

chuck norris threw a grenade into a crowd and it killed 20 people.........................then it exploded

[AYE_SOLDIER]

^

[joker]

how yuh call a small maxi full of indian women




















12 sita

[*$kїđž!™]

Hey bhagawan!!

[dan80]

:| how yuh call a small maxi full of indian women




















12 sita

i tiefin

[Spitfir3]

One day on a bus, every passenger was female but the driver. There was a student, a waitress, a flight attendant, a slut and a nun.Then a guy boarded the bus and declared a hold up so everybody gave their money,jewelries and other belongings.But the guy wasn't contented he said " I will rape each one of you" so everybody started to get even more nervous and scared some even crying. So the Slut stood up and told the guy "Just rape me,since that is the nature of my job, just let them go." the then Nun slapped the slut in the face and said "Will you shut up? didn't you hear what he said"? He said EVERYBODY!"

[Spitfir3]

A woman has been married to her husband for ten years,and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo on her.She says, "Honey,how could you do this! All this time you've never told me. Explain yourself immediately!!" The husband says "Okay,I'll explain. But first you explain the kids."

[area6]

Psychology of Caribbean people

 


   
  A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

1. 2 Jamaican men and 1 Jamaican woman
2. 2 Trinidadian men and 1 Trinidadian woman
3. 2 Guyanese men and 1 Guyanese woman
4. 2 Bajan men and 1 Bajan woman
5. 2 Antiguan men and 1 Antiguan woman
6. 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
7. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was observed:

One Jamaican man killed the other Jamaican man for the Jamaican woman.

One Trinidadian man kidnapped the Trinidadian woman and asked the other Trinidadian man for the ransom.

The two Guyanese men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the Guyanese woman.

The two Bajan men are sleeping together, and the Bajan woman is cooking and cleaning for them.

The Two Antiguan men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Antiguan woman and they start swimming.

The two Chinese men are talking to all the other men on the island try to sell them the Chinese woman.

The two Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman.

[area6]

A Trinidadian man, Bajan man, and a Jamaican man went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the Trinidadian wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, 
tripped, and fell. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any panties. The Trinidadian man angrily demanded to know why she wasn’t wearing any underwear. "Well, dahlin," she explained, "you give me so little money that I hav' to make sacrifices. Usually nobody does notice."

The Trinidadian man pulls $100 out of his pocket.

"Tek dis nah, go Victoria Secrets and buy yourself some underwear" 

Two holes further along the Bajan wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped and fell. Her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any panties either!

The Bajan man, obviously upset, asked his wife why she isn't wearing underwear. "Well, honey," she explained, "you give me so little money I cahn afford to buy any underwear." The Bajan man pulls $20 out of his pocket.

"Cho, go a K-mart an' buy some draws." 

Three holes further on, the Jamaican man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that she too wasn't wearing any panties. Her explanation to her vex husband was the same as the others.

The Jamaican man put his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you could do is to keep it neat."