stalest joke competiition

[Jameel]

Inspecting the Truck's Rear Axle


A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.

His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.

Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.

"Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?

He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.

A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy".

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?" said the officer.

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied confidently.

"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago."

[Jameel]

A Big Guy at the Pool


A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend.

"As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long"!

The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket.

"He also said he wants to screw me all night long"!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table.

"He said he wants to drink beer from my nookie all night"!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.

His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.

The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer"!

[Jameel]

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!

So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."

Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"

His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."

[Jameel]

A boy is home with his babysitter on a stormy night when the boy says "Usually on a stormy night mommy lets me cuddle with her". The babysitter responds with "OK". They are cuddling when the boy says "Usually mommy lets me take a bath". The babysitter says "ok". The boy is in the tub when he says "Usually mommy gets in with me". The babysitter says "Really? ok". They are in the tub when the boy says "Usually my mommy lets me touch her bellybutton" The babysitter says "Really? ummmmm ok".

Then the babysitter says "Hey that wasn't my bellybutton!" The boy says "That wasn't my finger either."

[mafia generation]

wha yuh does call a one footed woman!?!

i Lean!!!!

[mafia generation]

so a trini a guyanese an a chinee in a bar drinkin!!!
the chinee throw up he glass in d air an pull out he gun an shoot it !BLAM!
in my country we created these things we don't drink in d same glass twice!!!

the guyanese throw he glass in the air!BLAM!
whe have these in the thousands back home i don't drink in the same glass twice!!

the trini throw he glass in the air pull out he gun !BLAM BLAM!

shoot the chinee an the guyanese

we have too much ah allyuh in mih country ah doh drink wit the same outsiders twice!!!

[323_guy]

wha yuh does call a one footed woman!?!

i Lean!!!!

LOL!!!

[TRD...all the way]

A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope." The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!" But it was still too long at 20 inches, so he decided to ask the frog to marry him again. "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!" The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"

The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!!"

[TRD...all the way]

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey dude! What are you doing?"

The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and smoke with me." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and he's going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey dude!"

The Monkey looks down and slurs, "Faaaaaaark dude....... how much water did you drink?"

[TRD...all the way]

A guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."

The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"

3rd guy "Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."

[randyzx]

hey i got this one today and thought i should share it with u guys and girls

Subject: Manning's Chauffeur

Patrick Manning was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo. Suddenly, a male donkey jumps out onto the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Patrick Manning says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving. '
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Manning
Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
'My god, what happened to you? 'asks Manning
The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '
'What on earth did you say to them? 'asks Manning

'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them

:'I'm Patrick Manning's chauffeur and I've just killed the jackass!

[sharkman121]

A guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."

The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"

3rd guy "Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."

AHAHAHAHA

[slimshiney]

The two guys who tried to break in [ourts Mega Store..Heard they tried getting through the roof and one end up ah ded man...

Heard he fell through the roof and was sliced in half from the waist down....





























BODOP...........HE HIT A SHARP TV.......!!
_________________

[John_Doe]

Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says "I've lost my electron."

The other says "Are you sure?"

The first replies "Yes!, I'm positive."

[sMASH]

^^ i think we've got a winner here...

[mafia generation]

me an mih pardners playing cricket d oder day!!!

ah grasshopper jump up an bawl we racial!!!

[foss]

wha yuh does call a one footed woman!?!

i Lean!!!!

LOL!!!

[Kronik]

me an mih pardners playing cricket d oder day!!!

ah grasshopper jump up an bawl we racial!!!

that was real lame

[mafia generation]

ah know hoss ah know!!!

[sharkman121]

me an mih pardners playing cricket d oder day!!!

ah grasshopper jump up an bawl we racial!!!

that was real lame

i aint sure if i get it

[Obi-Wan]

me an mih pardners playing cricket d oder day!!!

ah grasshopper jump up an bawl we racial!!!

that was real lame

i aint sure if i get it

http://forums.trinituner.com/forums/vie ... rasshopper

[ebonysweetness69]

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
Q: What's the difference between a cricketer and a condom?

A: The cricketer drops the catch, and the condom catches the drop

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and riding a woman?

A: To ride a bicycle you fix your ass and move your legs. To ride a woman you fix your legs and move your ass

Q: What three things are common between the sun and a woman's underwear?

A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

A: Because they are tired of using their own

Q: What's common between men and video?

A: Both go backward... forward....backward...forward.... stop and eject

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come you are in big trouble

Q: Who is a gynecologist?

A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure!

[bluesteel29]

^

[wheelbarrow]

MY NEW CAR

I bought a new TOYOTA CROWN and returned it to the dealer
a week ago because I couldn't get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice-activated.

"Mighty" the salesman said to the radio.

The radio replied, "Sparrow or Trini?"

"Sparrow" he continued and 'Drunk and Disorderly' came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles" and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Sparrow.

I drove away happy and for the next few days, every time I'd say "Beethoven",
I'd get beautiful classical music or if I said "Beatles", I'd get one of their songs, or Rudder would always start with Trini to de Bone.

Yesterday, some guy ran the red light at Ariapita Avenue and Ana Street and nearly creamed my new car.
Luckly I swerved in time to avoid himhitting me and I yelled"muffler bearing".

Immediately the radio responded with

"Ladies and Gentlemen,
The Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago".

Damn don't you just love a TOYOTA?

[Israel G]

idk if allyuh hear this one aready....

a wife is like a sex object.....anytime u ask for sex she objects....

[ebonysweetness69]

Clean Jokes

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.
*******************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my Goodness! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
********************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

*************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

******************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay.'

********************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

[mitsu_chick941]

[color=indigo]Two trinis working in the same office. One wanted some time off, but knew d boss wouldn’t allow him to take leave.



He decided to act crazy so the boss would tell him to take a few days off.

He hung upside down from the ceiling so the other trini ask him “whey you doin’?â€

[SMc]

Hutgyallis...budum bum ching!

[mitsu_chick941]

wha???

[nos_specialist]

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door
neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumped up out of bed and says 'I've had enough of this damn dog
barking'. She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says 'The dog is
still barking. What have you been doing?'

The blonde says 'I put the damn dog in our backyard, let's see how they like
it.