stalest joke competiition

JoeBama · Postby **JoeBama** » October 13th, 2009, 10:52 am

Damn ya'll sick :sick:

DJShortCircuit · Postby **DJShortCircuit** » October 17th, 2009, 11:51 am

no more stale jokes?

evo_chic · Postby **evo_chic** » October 18th, 2009, 3:33 am

What do you call cheese that's not yours??

It's nacho cheese.

QG · Postby QG » October 19th, 2009, 1:17 am

d spike · Postby **d spike** » October 19th, 2009, 1:23 am

Two blondes were arguing at night about which was nearer, Miami or the moon. One says to the other: "Helloooooo, can you see Miami?"

Stuckindmud · Postby **Stuckindmud** » October 19th, 2009, 1:01 pm

Three statisticians went duck hunting. A duck was approaching and the first statistician shot,
And missed the duck by being a foot too high. The secondshot and was a foot too low. The third cried, "We hit it!"

^^ nacho cheese is a good one :lol:

Jameel · Postby **Jameel** » October 20th, 2009, 12:11 pm

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!

Teacher: Where the f--k do you get seven from?

Johnny: Because I f--king have 1 at home already!

playerskrew · Postby **playerskrew** » October 20th, 2009, 5:53 pm

What you call a Rabbit from India ??

Kaisaabunny..... :lol:

bunny666 · Postby **bunny666** » October 20th, 2009, 7:14 pm

What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

c@ri$$@ · Postby **c@ri$$@** » October 20th, 2009, 8:22 pm

Jameel wrote:Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!

Teacher: Where the f--k do you get seven from?

Johnny: Because I f--king have 1 at home already!

AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhAAAAAaaaaahhhaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
good 1!

playerskrew · Postby **playerskrew** » October 20th, 2009, 8:25 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

If i knew i would'nt be asking...... :lol:

ebonysweetness69 · Postby **ebonysweetness69** » October 21st, 2009, 1:25 pm

YUH MUST KNOW TRINIS

There is this old, good barber in New York. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door..

A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

Then a Trini engineer goes to get his haircut. As the guy is about to pay him the barber says: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The Trini software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
guess what he finds there...

Can you guess?

Come on, think like a Trini nah?....

think

think

think

think

A dozen Trinis waiting for a haircut!!!..

:lol:

bluesteel29 · Postby **bluesteel29** » October 21st, 2009, 2:36 pm

^
Oh My

triniangie · Postby **triniangie** » October 21st, 2009, 3:15 pm

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a guy
roommate Raj.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how
helpful Kumar's, roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this
had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening,

while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more
between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, 'I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Raj and I are just roommates.

About a week later, Raj came to Kumar saying, 'Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.

You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Kumar said: "Well, I doubt it,
but I'll email her, just to be sure.'

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm
not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains
that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read,

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Raj, and I'm not saying that
you â€˜do not' sleep with Raj. But the fact remains that if he was
sleeping in his OWN bed, he would have found the chutney jar by now
under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.

Lesson of the day: Don't Lie to Your Mother....

triniangie · Postby **triniangie** » October 21st, 2009, 3:47 pm

Two TRINIS IN A BAR
Two Trinis (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rum shop
when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the
bar. The two start to speculate about the occupation of the stranger in the
suit.

Phil: - I tink he's an accountant.

Eric: - Nah man he is ah lawyer.

Phil: - He eh no lawyer! Lawyers doh come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the
better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees
the stranger. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of Philr.

Phil: - Amâ€¦ exscuse, I eh mean to offend yuh buh me and meh partner was wondering what you does do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.

Phil: - Oh! What's that?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a lawnmower at home?

Phil: - Er... Mmm... Well yeah.

Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you have a lawn?

Phil: - Yes!

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that if you have a Lawn then you
have a house?

Phil: - Well yea. I have ah house... I build it mehself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a house it is logical to assume that
you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably
married?

Phil: - Yes I married, I have ah wife and three children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with
your wife on a regular basis?

Phil:- Yuh damn right! Four nights a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you are not gay?

Phil: - Me? No way.

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Phil: - Wha you mean?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a lawnmower, I've told you about
your sexual status!

Phil: - I see! Dat real cool dred...laters man

Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his partner.

Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Phil: - Yea! He's a logical scientist!

Eric: - Wah is dat?

Phil: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a Lawnmower?

Eric: - Nope.

Phil: - O sheit. You is a bullah den?!?!?!!

bluesteel29 · Postby **bluesteel29** » October 21st, 2009, 4:19 pm

^
steupsssssssss....read all that thinkin it would of been epic

hong kong phooey · Postby **hong kong phooey** » October 22nd, 2009, 12:19 am

WEINER COMPULSION!

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it,
but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen.

His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's
wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

hong kong phooey · Postby **hong kong phooey** » October 22nd, 2009, 12:25 am

Two Rednecks were seated at the end of a bar when a young lady seated a
few stools up began to choke on a piece of chicken. She was turning blue
and obviously in serious respiratory distress.

One said to the other, "That there gal is having a bad time!"

The other agreed and said "Think we should go help?"

"You bet," said the first, and with that, he ran over and said, "Can you
breathe?"

She shook her head no.

He said, "Can you speak?"

She again shook her head no.

With that, he pulled up her skirt and licked her on the butt. She was so
shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe with great
relief.

The redneck walked back to his friend and said, "Funny how that 'hind
lick' maneuver always works."

hong kong phooey · Postby **hong kong phooey** » October 22nd, 2009, 12:32 am

First Man?

The moon shone silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves beating on
the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby. One
ardent couple pulled apart long enough for the young man to whisper,
"Darling, am I the first man to make love to you?"
Her tone, when she answered, was irritated. "Of course you are," she said.
"I don't know why you men always ask the same ridiculous question."

Mr. Red Sleeper · Postby **Mr. Red Sleeper** » October 23rd, 2009, 1:30 pm

^^^righto!

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment

bluesteel29 · Postby **bluesteel29** » October 23rd, 2009, 4:10 pm

err....wow...

DJShortCircuit · Postby **DJShortCircuit** » October 24th, 2009, 7:45 pm

d other day i went to buy a tyre. i ask d man in d tyre shop, how much for d tyre? he say $450, i say so much! he say bring yuh gyul and u will get it for $400 :faint:

LikaStick · Postby **LikaStick** » October 28th, 2009, 6:57 pm

Three college girls went in for physical examinations.

Upon examining the first woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter "H" imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her, "How did you get this?"

She says, "My boyfriend is from Harvard, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."

While examining the second woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter 'Y' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her, "How did you get this?"

She says "my boyfriend is from Yale, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."

During the examination of the third woman the Dr. notices a large letter "M" imprinted on her chest. The Dr. says, "I see your boyfriend is from the University of Michigan!"

She responds "No, my girlfriend is from Wisconsin!" :twisted:

Jameel · Postby **Jameel** » October 29th, 2009, 9:50 am

^^ lol.....may take alot of ppl some time to figure it out!!

bluesteel29 · Postby **bluesteel29** » October 29th, 2009, 4:03 pm

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony in Oklahoma . On his first
day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A
gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an
erection. The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked,
'did you call for me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'

She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that
if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she
led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly
pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He
entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a
huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.

'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you
fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him
around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted
by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.'Here's
my membership card.. You can have the key back and you can keep the
$500.00 membership fee..'

But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You
haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'

'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month,
but I fart about 15 times a day.

Vani · Postby **Vani** » October 29th, 2009, 4:17 pm

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP....

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP..

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, as the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops.