stalest joke competiition

[shogun]

Person#1 -I'm playing emo music constantly for my lawn these days.
Person#2- Emo music? but why?
Person# 1 - i,m hoping to have the first emo lawn,you see.
Person#2- Why on earth would you want an emo lawn?
Person#1- Well.......hopefully it learns to cut itself too!

[Stuckindmud]

Ah farmer raise the price of his sweet potato .... he say is cuz the price of sugar raise..

[Mr. Cheese]

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, �And during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?

'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.!

Horrified Jane said, ' Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

'Here' she said,pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed ' What did you do that for ?'



























































Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'

[Zim]

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, �And during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?

'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.!

Horrified Jane said, ' Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

'Here' she said,pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed ' What did you do that for ?'


Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy
some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my
license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will
happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different..... You didn't tell me you had a prescription.

Good ones!

A guy walks into a pharmacy to buy a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist tells him $5. They guy gives the Pharmacist a $5 dollar bill. The Pharmacist returns with the pack of condoms & gives the guy a quarter.

The guy asked what was the quarter for.

















The Pharmacist replied "Well, if you can't cum, you'll call."

[TRD...all the way]

How did the girl die in the tomato field????
The tomato choke her(choka)

[neckto]

u sure she din get squashed by the pumpkin?

[Cid]

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:


1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.


8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING

[boost11]

if a donkey and a bull collide into each other..who's wrong??












the bull - he have 2 horn n he eh use dem..

[TRD...all the way]

One day two blocks of soap walking down the road one slip and fall,
the other one say give me your palm olive(palmolive)....reply: oh you're my lifebouy(life boy)...

[bluefete]

[granpa]

Man talking to God

Man: Oh God, what is money like to you?
God: My son, 1 billion dollars to you is like a dollar to me
Man:God, what is time like to you?
God: My son, 1 billion years to you is like a second to me
Man: God, Gimme a dollar
God: My son, please gimme a second

[Sheriff!]

Sheriff! whey yuh dey boy this is your kinda thread self.....but anyway

When one black man tell another...you so black yuh does sweat seeaw

i here now

[Sheriff!]

wat did michael jackson say to the microphone?








just beat it,just beat it!

[alleykat2020]

Quick question:
Do you think infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

[Vinesh]

so ah man and he wife playin cricket and de wife bowlin.. so de man hit de ball and break de neighbor window.. so they decide they will go across and talk to him and pay for de damages.. so they ring the bell no one answered.. but the door was open so they walked in by the window ant there was a man dressed in white.. so they was like hi.. de man in white was like hi i am a genie and by u breakin de glass and de ball hittin this bottle i am out after 1000 yrs.. so he say u have three wishes.. so de man and de wife decided they asked for a property in every country in the world the genie was like done tomo when u check your papers u would have all this.. the second wish was for 100 million dollars the genie was like tomo when u check ur bank account u would see the money.. so when they were about to ask for their third wish de genie was like plz wait since i grant u all these wishes just plz grant me the last one.. so they asked what was it.. the genie was like plz let me spend a nite with ur wife.. so the husb and wife discussed it and was like u know he give us all this let us grant him his wish.. so the husband went home normal and the wife remained.. so in the mornin when the genie woke up and the wife woke up the genie was like how old is your husband.. she was like 44.. the genie replied "ah big 44 year ole man still believe in genie"

[DevilZ]

A west-Indian woman, from way behind the back-dam, leaves Guyana for the first time to visit her son in the USA. She arrives at Miami airport immigration and, as expected, she has no idea what the immigration card is for. The officer, in disgust, begins to fill it in for her. "What is your name ?", says the officer "Meh name BABY", she replies with a smile "BABY ??". He looks at her. She smiles at him again confidently. "No, What is your whole name?", he asks again. "Meh name BABY, sah", she says with a slight annoyance. "No, NO, what is your WHOLE name", he says again "Meh whole name ???". She repeats his question as a question. "Yes, your whole name". He thinks 'at last I got through'. She looks down, feels awkward and remains silent for a while, and says: "Sah, meh hole name POKEY !"

[TRD...all the way]

...WTF>>>>>.....

[1800GSRLANCER]

Condoms in Isle 12
This guy goes to a super market and goes to isle 12 and asks for a box of condoms.

The lady askes "what size" and the guy says "I don't know" so the lady askes him to pull down his pants.

The lady tugs a few times and says "you need a box of x-large condoms".

So this guy hears behind him and he asks for a box of condom's, and the lady says "what size" and the guy says I don't know.

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants.

The lady tugs a few time and says "get a box of medium condoms"

So this teenager in isle 11 hears and wants some of the action.

So he goes to isle 12 and asks "can I have a box of condoms"

The lady asks "what size" and the teenage says "I don't know"

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants .

When he does, the lady tugs a few times, stands up and announces "Clean up in isle 12"

[1800GSRLANCER]

yuh mudda jokes
yuh mudda's nookie is so hairy, when yuh brother was born he died of rugburn

I asked yuh mudda "what's for lunch" ...She opened up her legs and said tuna surprise

I asked yuh mudda "what's for lunch" ...She opened up her legs and said crabs

yuh mudda's like a gun, two Roosters and she's loaded!

yuh mudda's like a vaccum cleaner ... She sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.

yuh mudda's like ah mosquito, yuh have to slap her to get her to stop sucking

[risley93]

a boat sinkin . .a trini a bajan + a guyanese on it ,the captain orders them to throw overboard things that is in abundance in yur homelan . .bajan throws all his flyin fish over . .guyanese throws all his gold . .the trini throws the bajan and d guyanese over. . lol!!!

[ronsin1]

a boat sinkin . .a trini a bajan + a guyanese on it ,the captain orders them to throw overboard things that is in abundance in yur homelan . .bajan throws all his flyin fish over . .guyanese throws all his gold . .the trini throws the bajan and d guyanese over. . lol!!!

that just as funny as the car show thread

[bluesteel29]

Why gangsters doh cook???..........cause badman doh cater.

[mossman]

[Lancer01]

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself :

Man: 'May I buy you a cocktail?'

Maxine: 'No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.'

Man: 'Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?'

Maxine: 'No, they spread .

[nos_specialist]

i still like d one ah post b4

what do u call 2 mechanics and one missing a leg.?

three knee tuners.

[risley93]

Hit the Alt+F4 Keys Does The Coolest Trick On Trinituner!

[DevilZ]

Click Alt+F4 Does The Coolest Trick On Trinituner!

u could click the alt an f4 keys?

[risley93]

*FIXED*

[jeepers]

time to start the michael jackson

A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both male and female."This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God blackor white?""Well, God is both black and white."This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers none the less, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is God Michael Jackson?"

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect “10″?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Q: What’s brown and often found in a baby’s diaper?
A: Michael Jackson’s hand.

Why is Michael so tough?
~He can lick any kid on the block.

[bluefete]

Two Guyanese nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the Mother Superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too please to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

The Mother Superior is first to open hers.

Staring at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously,

"What part did you get?"