stalest joke competiition

[foxy girl]

Elephant asks Camel: y do u walk around all day wit ur belly on ur back?

Camel replies: Y do u walk around all day wit ur iron on ur face?

[neckto]

Hear This!

You know how it have ah set ah shooting in T&T dese days!

Well five friends: Currants, Ice, Curry, Tambran and
Coconut walking down Petit Valley Road; when suddenly dey
hear gun shots
BODOW, BODOW, BODOW BOW!

Well geez an ages!
Currants roll
Ice scream
Curry duck
Tambran bawl and
Coconut drop.

[neckto]

DIRTY JOKE






































a horse fell in mud







another dirty joke





















































the horse fell in the mud again

[fouljuice]

Rite so this priest man gone to take a bathe in d river before goin to perform a wedding ceremony but when he take off he pants, he rest it down in an ants patch unknowingly. When he gone to perform the ceremony and he reach the part where he suppose to say "holy matrimony" ants start to bite him and he bawl out "Holy moly it have ants in meh toleee!"

*crickets chirping yet?*

Two fellars walking thru the forest and they reach a little clearing with a naked lady. The first fella run away after a few seconds and leave he pardner behind. About an hour later the two of them meet back and the second fellar aks him ,"but why you run away boi?" the 1st fella say, "my mudda tell me if i ever see ah naked lady, i would turn to stone. And I did already start to feel something in my pants gettin hard."

[fouljuice]

A traveller comes across a little town after a few days' journey. So he heads into the bar to get a drink and have some sex. But he is quickly disappointed as there are no females in sight and the bartender confirms that the town only has males. "So how do you survive?" asks the fellow. "There is a barrel with a hole behind the building" says the bartender "its feels just like a real woman. you should try it. like yourself!" So a little later the fellow decides to try it out, and to his surprise the hole in the barrel felt just like the real deal indeed. In fact, it felt so good he had a second and third rounds. Next morning he went to the bartender and said "Sir you were right, that hole in the barrel was amazing, how can i ever repay you?"
The bartender replied:
































Now its your turn to go inside the barrel.

[fouljuice]

What did one fagg0t say to the other fagg0t who was going on vaction?



















Can I help you pack your sheit?

[fouljuice]

How do you know if you are on a gay picnic?














The hotdogs taste like sheit.

[fouljuice]

Three nuns were taking a walk one day.
''I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some pornography magazines," said the first nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the second.
"I threw them away."
"I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some condoms," said the second nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the first.
"I punched holes in them." The third nun fainted.

[Bezman]

what ya call a camel with no humps?





..........












.........








.....








Hump-free!

[dragaholic]

[wideweb]

What is brown and sticky?










A STICK

[fouljuice]

how is a penis like a rubix cube ?




























The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

[greatbear]

ah man now turn 30 an he still ah virgin, so the thinkin " i hadda lose my virginity, bess i go to ah brothel", so he find the most secluded one he could find, in the middle of the forest. so he went up to the mistress an tell her the situation. so she say " my girls does only deal wit fellas wit experience, so go in the forest an get some practice on a tree" so mih boy gone an deal wit ah tree an come back smiling, so the mistress give im a room wat ah real bess girl. so de tek off dey clothes an the girl ben over on the bed, mih boy run outside and come back with a stick an start to beat the girl in her behind, so she bawl, Wat the hell yuh doin!!!!, he say Ah checkin for bees!!

[MISHI]

A "mishi" original pick up line...

When next you in the club and see a good looking woman, walk up to her and say

"Excuse me, I was told in church you body wasn't yours but owned by God. So I called Him and asked in advance if I could screw you..."

[Country_Bookie]

Time for some double-entendres aired on TV and radio...

1) Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:
"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!"

2) New Zealand Rugby Commentator:
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of
him."

3) Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4) Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977:
"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is
kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

5) US PGA Commentator:
"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well
is that before each tee shot his wife takes out his balls
and kisses them. Oh my god!! What have I just said?"


6) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

7) Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North
said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold
night like this."

9) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance
he gets."

10) Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up
to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse
coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and
he's only come in his shorts."

[Lucian-2nr]

And the Lord said unto John; Come forth and receive eternal life.... John came fifth........he won a toaster

[juiceneedspeed]

why movado hand does always be dirty ?













He Touch D Road

[risley93]

http://stuff.pyzam.com/toys/tictacscare.swf yeah all yuh chk out dis!

[L'il Kim]

STEUPS

saw that coming!






still jumped

[me_ngod4eva]

<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ELuNeOItpPE&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed>

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

Three nuns were taking a walk one day.
''I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some pornography magazines," said the first nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the second.
"I threw them away."
"I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some condoms," said the second nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the first.
"I punched holes in them."


The third nun fainted.

ROFL@@!!!!!!

[Foxy]

why you can't tell jokes around eggs???




























They crack up!!

[DFC]

why was tigger in the toilet?





he was looking for poo!

[Obi-Wan]

Father Manning was taking confessions today, Karen walks in first - a decent church type, going to UWI:

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

"What did you do my child?"

"I looked a naked man today"

"How did that happen?"

"It was an art class, we were doing nudes"

"Ah my child, the human form is beautiful, don't forget Adam and Eve were born naked. If it makes you feel any better, say one Hail Mary and go the next room and wash your eyes and face with holy water."

So Bridget walks in next, another decent church type, going to UWI also:

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

"What did you do my child?"

"I got drunk at a party and....."

"Alcohol is one of Satan's many devices, my child, and what else?"

"I was making out with this guy, and one thing led to another and...."

"You had pre-marital sex?"

"No! Father I came to my senses, but before that I...."

"What? My child"

"I touched his manhood, but it didn't go any further than that, I swear"

Father Manning breathes a sigh of relief. "I believe you, my child. At least you did not go any further. Say three Hail Marys and go the next room and wash your hands with holy water."

So there are Karen and Bridget in the room, Karen washing her face with holy water and Bridget washing her hands.

All of a sudden, Hazel rushes in and says:

"Move over girls. I have to gargle"

[fouljuice]

How is a woman similar to an airplane?


























They both have a c0ckpit

[Coppershot]

What do you call a rastaman upside down?






















a mop

[Foxy]

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy
some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my
license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will
happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different..... You didn't tell me you had a prescription.

[DJShortCircuit]

How can you avoid getting swine flu?




















Stop liming with hoggish people?

[bluefete]

An extremely unattractive, mean acting woman walks into West Mall with her two kids. The West Mall attendant does his thing and then asks, "Are they twins?"

The woman says "No, Jacknanny, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why? ... Do you really think they look alike, you idiot"?










"No," replies the West Mall attendant, " I just can't believe you got laid twice."

[bluefete]

I forgot this one but just remembered it.

The pharmacist walks into a store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
He asks the blond clerk, "What's the matter with that guy over there by the wall"?

The blond clerk responds, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I could not find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a laxative.




The blond clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough"!!