? About re-marrying

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

Gonna be joining the married club in a couple months - but that is the culmination of over 8 years of being togther, maturing and making sacrifices.

I can't wait either

If it was going good for so long, why spoil it now?

[devrat]

Sleeper has a valid point...there is a big difference with "being together" when dating and living together as a married couple. After a while when you live with someone those little "quirks" that made your heart flutter when dating, now makes you contemplate if there really is such a thing as the perfect murder.
My 1st marriage lasted less than 2 years after being soooooo much in love and dating for close to 10 years. The 2nd............sigh ...lesson learnt.

[Halfbreed07]

familiarity breeds contempt

nothing else is more true as it pertains to relations, at least in my experiences.

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

Devrat,yuh really did it twice?


Thing is, i am of the firm belief that marriage is not a practical "arrangement" and the world is not as it once was where marriages, and all related details, could achieve the successes that they once did.

[Goat_Destroyer]

maintaining an unmarried relationship is hard enough..... marriage seems like the next natural step, but I think people have some very euphoric and unrealistic expectations about what a marriage is. To me thats the first condition of failure.

Of course some ppl are just a$$holes and frig up a good thing for utterly selfish reasons.

It looks real hard to me, but I figure, for me at least, I have to band my belly and go brave. The rewards, from what I've seen at least, are usually worth it.

[Oleander]

Marriage is a good thing.
If you go in with the attitude that you can always get out then you're not serious.

Marriage is a daily test of love and understanding and without that mutual understanding then things won't be that chirpy.

Yes there are cases where some men and women have genuinely bad experiences where attitudes change drastically after marriage and their only option is to run like hell.

I want it but I'm still scared of it

[Halfbreed07]

Goat_Destroyer, ?

[crazybalhead]

If you find the right person, marraige is great.

Tips:

Don't go and marrid a virgin, and don't be a virgin yourself please, bull a lil bit first.

Don't marrid a person livin in their mammy house still. They don't have a realistic expectation of what to do when they are living on their own.

DO live together first. Dating and living together is two completely different things. Another person will drive you INSANE if you don't know what to expect and then suddenly start cohabitating.

DO discuss things before hand. Don't marrid expecting fairy dust and flowers.

Learn to look the other way. Sometimes sheit not worth an argumeent or hurting somebody. Just pick up the damn hammer and put it back in your tool box and doh study it.

Choose wisely, and learn from the mistakes of yuh dotish parents, or yuh doomed to repeat them.

I am also an advocate of waiting until AT LEAST 25 before marraige.

[VexXx Dogg]

If you find the right person, marraige is great.

Tips:

Don't go and marrid a virgin, and don't be a virgin yourself please, bull a lil bit first.

Don't marrid a person livin in their mammy house still. They don't have a realistic expectation of what to do when they are living on their own.

DO live together first. Dating and living together is two completely different things. Another person will drive you INSANE if you don't know what to expect and then suddenly start cohabitating.

DO discuss things before hand. Don't marrid expecting fairy dust and flowers.

Learn to look the other way. Sometimes sheit not worth an argumeent or hurting somebody. Just pick up the damn hammer and put it back in your tool box and doh study it.

Choose wisely, and learn from the mistakes of yuh dotish parents, or yuh doomed to repeat them.

I am also an advocate of waiting until AT LEAST 25 before marraige.

cosign

[eurogirl]

Learn to look the other way. Sometimes sheit not worth an argumeent or hurting somebody. Just pick up the damn hammer and put it back in your tool box and doh study it

I did tht once ... but it was a wheel spanner and i was actually aiming for his head

[devrat]

[d spike]

Goat_Destroyer, ?

Ah hope yuh ain't thinking what I'm thinking what he does usually be thinking about...

Otherwise lemme know, so I could go and replace all dem chastity belts I had on our goats last year, due to a known practitioner who was in de area.

Ah hope to gawd is with knife and fork and curry he thinking 'bout.

[d spike]

Marriage is a good thing.
If you go in with the attitude that you can always get out then you're not serious.

Marriage is a daily test of love and understanding and without that mutual understanding then things won't be that chirpy.

Yes there are cases where some men and women have genuinely bad experiences where attitudes change drastically after marriage and their only option is to run like hell.

I want it but I'm still scared of it

... and still running, head pulled down in fear of projectiles...
Marriage can be a grand experience if you find (and work at it with) the right person.

My first one ended when I put my foot down on the sheit I had to deal with (I don't mean literally, she used to clean good). When I was told to "give her a chance to try and work at it", my question was "why wasn't she trying all these years?"

In my darker moments, I would say anyone who is willing to be committed, should be... but seriously, give it a chance if you think it might work (it very well might)... and if it doesn't, well... lawyers have to eat, don't they?

[apple]

Divorced folks have a right to not want to remarry.

But they certainly have no right to discourage others of it all together.

And quite a few tuners have done this, both divorced and estranged, and those that are unmarried who have live-in wives without the paper.

Unfortunately there are individuals on this forum who cannot stand on their two feet and form their own opinions without the influence of others.

Certainly a sad state of affairs.

If I know the man I'm interested in has been divorced, it is my responsibility to find out his view on remarriage. Lets say he is against it, then it is up to me to conform/find balance in the situation or walk away.

Why must you conform/find balance if you wish to marry and your jaded significant other does not?

We all know one cannot change a man. Why bother wasting your time with someone whose viewpoints on marriage are not nsync with your own?

AP you read the whole post or just the pieces yuh like?
You married? Happily (don't lie please)

If I buy doubles from a man and it was no good is it my duty to tell my friends not to buy from that man, not so?
If marriage was hell for someone it is their right to tell people of the woes.

I said conform or go your way. It simple.

[AbstractPoetic]

If you find the right person, marraige is great.

Tips:

Don't go and marrid a virgin, and don't be a virgin yourself please, bull a lil bit first.

Don't marrid a person livin in their mammy house still. They don't have a realistic expectation of what to do when they are living on their own.

DO live together first. Dating and living together is two completely different things. Another person will drive you INSANE if you don't know what to expect and then suddenly start cohabitating.

DO discuss things before hand. Don't marrid expecting fairy dust and flowers.

Learn to look the other way. Sometimes sheit not worth an argumeent or hurting somebody. Just pick up the damn hammer and put it back in your tool box and doh study it.

Choose wisely, and learn from the mistakes of yuh dotish parents, or yuh doomed to repeat them.

I am also an advocate of waiting until AT LEAST 25 before marraige.

Now I'm assuming this is coming from a man that is happily married.

Don't forget the finances part. Now I'm not saying a future wife or future hubby must be rolling in dough but their spending habits must be scrutinized. A man/woman who does not pay his bills on time or lives paycheck to paycheck with no discussion on saving plans/investments should be a major red flag.

The only exception is if they are a student still completing their degree/coursework.

[apple]

Getting married on Saturday to my GF of 11 years.

Congrats. Good Luck.

Sleeper has a valid point...there is a big difference with "being together" when dating and living together as a married couple. After a while when you live with someone those little "quirks" that made your heart flutter when dating, now makes you contemplate if there really is such a thing as the perfect murder.
My 1st marriage lasted less than 2 years after being soooooo much in love and dating for close to 10 years. The 2nd............sigh ...lesson learnt.

I think when papers signed something happens to mess it up. We could be shacked up (plainly put for the fanatics) for 10 years and be happy but as soon as papers signed things go left (normally the woman is the 'thing' mentioned)

If you find the right person, marraige is great.

Tips:

Don't go and marrid a virgin, and don't be a virgin yourself please, bull a lil bit first.

Don't marrid a person livin in their mammy house still. They don't have a realistic expectation of what to do when they are living on their own.

DO live together first. Dating and living together is two completely different things. Another person will drive you INSANE if you don't know what to expect and then suddenly start cohabitating.

DO discuss things before hand. Don't marrid expecting fairy dust and flowers.

Learn to look the other way. Sometimes sheit not worth an argumeent or hurting somebody. Just pick up the damn hammer and put it back in your tool box and doh study it.

Choose wisely, and learn from the mistakes of yuh dotish parents, or yuh doomed to repeat them.

I am also an advocate of waiting until AT LEAST 25 before marraige.

^^^ wot he said

Marriage is a good thing.
If you go in with the attitude that you can always get out then you're not serious.

Marriage is a daily test of love and understanding and without that mutual understanding then things won't be that chirpy.

Yes there are cases where some men and women have genuinely bad experiences where attitudes change drastically after marriage and their only option is to run like hell.

I want it but I'm still scared of it

... and still running, head pulled down in fear of projectiles...
Marriage can be a grand experience if you find (and work at it with) the right person.

My first one ended when I put my foot down on the sheit I had to deal with (I don't mean literally, she used to clean good). When I was told to "give her a chance to try and work at it", my question was "why wasn't she trying all these years?"

In my darker moments, I would say anyone who is willing to be committed, should be... but seriously, give it a chance if you think it might work (it very well might)... and if it doesn't, well... lawyers have to eat, don't they?

AP yuh reading?

AP you read the whole post or just the pieces yuh like?
You married? Happily (don't lie please)

If I buy doubles from a man and it was no good is it my duty to tell my friends not to buy from that man, not so?
If marriage was hell for someone it is their right to tell people of the woes.

I said conform or go your way. It simple.

so if I understand correctly what you're saying is that AP should marrid a doubles man...

btw send me the doubles man email so I can talk him outta it nah.

[AbstractPoetic]

If I buy doubles from a man and it was no good is it my duty to tell my friends not to buy from that man, not so?
If marriage was hell for someone it is their right to tell people of the woes.

But wait, you comparing marriage to doubles?

Using the same analogy isn't it safe to assume that not all double vendors sell doubles that taste the same and what may be considered bad doubles from one customer may be considered the best doubles from another?

Now your above analogy only applies if the man or woman involved in a failed marriage was to remarry. In this instance the aggrieved party has a right to voice their experiences about that person with the other party who intends on marrying the same man/woman. That said, just because it did not work for one does not mean it would not work for another, even if the same variables were applied.

The point is a failed marriage is not the blueprint for all marriages. Just because one person had a bad experience does not give them the right to "advise" others that marriage altogether is a horrible idea. To me, that sounds like a bitter, narrow-minded person who has yet to own up to their responsibility in WHY the marriage failed.

[d spike]

Don't forget the finances part. Now I'm not saying a future wife or future hubby must be rolling in dough but their spending habits must be scrutinized. A man/woman who does not pay his bills on time or lives paycheck to paycheck with no discussion on saving plans/investments should be a major red flag.

The only exception is if they are a student still completing their degree/coursework.

So a student is magically granted money to survive on, or gets free groceries? Exception? Not a fart of that... you are quite right in your previous paragraph about scrutineering spending habits. So what of the person who decides to study without considering where the money to pay for it is going to come from? Such a person is just as silly as the one who dyes her hair with the grocery money.

[devrat]

How many people are really prepared for the changes that come with being married, his / her space becomes "our space" etc, or the fact that some people marry with the intention to "mould" their bf / gf into the perfect spouse...people do not change, they adapt. The same bad habits that were there before have not been "given up" but merely repressed until the opportunity arises for them to once more come forth.
Some people believe that they can control their spouse by choosing their friends, monitioring their spending, shopping for their clothes, planning their diets etc....doomed for failure. A ring on your marriage finger does not mean you have power over someone else...if you want that type of control, take the ring of your spouse's finger and put in his / her nose with a chain attached and yank when necessary.
True story : Female friend of mine was introduced to a male friend of mine by me and hit it off, we all remained close friends and partied, vacationed together etc.
While they were dating I would call him and he would pick me up from the airport and we all would hang out for the duration of my stay...this over a period of 3 years or so.
2 months after they were married i called him a week before my return and his words "no problem i'll pick you up and we can plan from there".
Called him the night before my flight -
Me - we on for tomorrow right
Him - yeah man for sure
Wife in background - who's that
Him - Dev, he coming tomorrow

Phone is suddenly muffled...but i still hear " you not going anyway with he eh..them days done blah, blah...." 2 mins later he replys
Him - Man i forget we have a prayers to go to, yuh could make other arrangements.
Me - click.

How many people can deny knowing a married person in a situation like that.

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

ROFL @"Prayers."..

personally i eh makin no excuse or settling for second place when it comes to my comfort levels.

Yuh givin trouble, time to move on. Once i eh doin nothing disrepectful, to you, at you , or about you, and you still just want something to argue about, i gone.
Sorry for those who think that my statement is a selfish one, but im of the firm belief that if you arent happy with yourself due to any situation, habit or circumstance, you cannot be happy with anyone.....= Failed marriage.

I not lying to impress etc. im me, you dont like it feel free..move on.
however, you are happy with me, and i with you, there should be very little room for games and uncertainties and bachannal and confusion and anger and hiding and lies and bitterness and, and, and.
.

[AbstractPoetic]

How many people are really prepared for the changes that come with being married, his / her space becomes "our space" etc, or the fact that some people marry with the intention to "mould" their bf / gf into the perfect spouse...people do not change, they adapt. The same bad habits that were there before have not been "given up" but merely repressed until the opportunity arises for them to once more come forth.
Some people believe that they can control their spouse by choosing their friends, monitioring their spending, shopping for their clothes, planning their diets etc....doomed for failure. A ring on your marriage finger does not mean you have power over someone else...if you want that type of control, take the ring of your spouse's finger and put in his / her nose with a chain attached and yank when necessary.
True story : Female friend of mine was introduced to a male friend of mine by me and hit it off, we all remained close friends and partied, vacationed together etc.
While they were dating I would call him and he would pick me up from the airport and we all would hang out for the duration of my stay...this over a period of 3 years or so.
2 months after they were married i called him a week before my return and his words "no problem i'll pick you up and we can plan from there".
Called him the night before my flight -
Me - we on for tomorrow right
Him - yeah man for sure
Wife in background - who's that
Him - Dev, he coming tomorrow

Phone is suddenly muffled...but i still hear " you not going anyway with he eh..them days done blah, blah...." 2 mins later he replys
Him - Man i forget we have a prayers to go to, yuh could make other arrangements.
Me - click.

How many people can deny knowing a married person in a situation like that.

The question remains why did she not feel comfortable with her hubby hanging around you any longer.

There is more to this story than is presented. The man did the right thing and handled the situation well.

[Rahtid]

Gonna be joining the married club in a couple months - but that is the culmination of over 8 years of being togther, maturing and making sacrifices.

I can't wait either

She waited for the ring for 8 yrs?


Interesting.

i was with my ex for 7 yrs,we were engaged,i left her last year to pursue my businesses and pleasures,also to have some freedom,


she still waiting on the ring,called me to remind me that sunday was our anniversary.and we done eh


if i get married,and divorced,i aint gonna marry again,
no way i gonna sentence and hang my self again,
life is too short,why spend it with one person?

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

The question remains why did she not feel comfortable with her hubby hanging around you any longer.

There is more to this story than is presented. The man did the right thing and handled the situation well.

Because like you, she was a shallow minded, and highly insecure individual who always reads more into situations than are really there.

[devrat]

The question remains why did she not feel comfortable with her hubby hanging around you any longer.

There is more to this story than is presented. The man did the right thing and handled the situation well.

Because like you, she was a shallow minded, and highly insecure individual who always reads more into situations than are really there.

AMEN

[AbstractPoetic]

The question remains why did she not feel comfortable with her hubby hanging around you any longer.

There is more to this story than is presented. The man did the right thing and handled the situation well.

Because like you, she was a shallow minded, and highly insecure individual who always reads more into situations than are really there.

You do not know me, Daren, so throw your frame.

Thank you, kindly.

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

Dont need to know you Patrick.....Your above statements says it all..

My frame stays PUT!

[AbstractPoetic]

The question remains why did she not feel comfortable with her hubby hanging around you any longer.

There is more to this story than is presented. The man did the right thing and handled the situation well.

Because like you, she was a shallow minded, and highly insecure individual who always reads more into situations than are really there.

AMEN

Are you going to piggyback or present a rebuttal on what is more than likely the reason behind her response...

A wife (or husband) may have a plethora of reasons behind why they wish for their SO to not entertain the company of certain friends/acquaintances/family members.

What's that saying? Bad associations spoil useful habits?

Ah yes, that is it. Bad association. Not that I know you or her to conclude her reasons for her hubby to not be in your presence but when married, it is no longer "your friends" or "my friends" but OUR friends.

And if one party does not like the company of one friend/acquaintance/relative, then best believe they shall be cut.

[Damien]

How many people are really prepared for the changes that come with being married, his / her space becomes "our space" etc, or the fact that some people marry with the intention to "mould" their bf / gf into the perfect spouse...people do not change, they adapt. The same bad habits that were there before have not been "given up" but merely repressed until the opportunity arises for them to once more come forth.
Some people believe that they can control their spouse by choosing their friends, monitioring their spending, shopping for their clothes, planning their diets etc....doomed for failure. A ring on your marriage finger does not mean you have power over someone else...if you want that type of control, take the ring of your spouse's finger and put in his / her nose with a chain attached and yank when necessary.
True story : Female friend of mine was introduced to a male friend of mine by me and hit it off, we all remained close friends and partied, vacationed together etc.
While they were dating I would call him and he would pick me up from the airport and we all would hang out for the duration of my stay...this over a period of 3 years or so.
2 months after they were married i called him a week before my return and his words "no problem i'll pick you up and we can plan from there".
Called him the night before my flight -
Me - we on for tomorrow right
Him - yeah man for sure
Wife in background - who's that
Him - Dev, he coming tomorrow

Phone is suddenly muffled...but i still hear " you not going anyway with he eh..them days done blah, blah...." 2 mins later he replys
Him - Man i forget we have a prayers to go to, yuh could make other arrangements.
Me - click.

How many people can deny knowing a married person in a situation like that.

woman does really control man

[Rahtid]

How many people are really prepared for the changes that come with being married, his / her space becomes "our space" etc, or the fact that some people marry with the intention to "mould" their bf / gf into the perfect spouse...people do not change, they adapt. The same bad habits that were there before have not been "given up" but merely repressed until the opportunity arises for them to once more come forth.
Some people believe that they can control their spouse by choosing their friends, monitioring their spending, shopping for their clothes, planning their diets etc....doomed for failure. A ring on your marriage finger does not mean you have power over someone else...if you want that type of control, take the ring of your spouse's finger and put in his / her nose with a chain attached and yank when necessary.
True story : Female friend of mine was introduced to a male friend of mine by me and hit it off, we all remained close friends and partied, vacationed together etc.
While they were dating I would call him and he would pick me up from the airport and we all would hang out for the duration of my stay...this over a period of 3 years or so.
2 months after they were married i called him a week before my return and his words "no problem i'll pick you up and we can plan from there".
Called him the night before my flight -
Me - we on for tomorrow right
Him - yeah man for sure
Wife in background - who's that
Him - Dev, he coming tomorrow

Phone is suddenly muffled...but i still hear " you not going anyway with he eh..them days done blah, blah...." 2 mins later he replys
Him - Man i forget we have a prayers to go to, yuh could make other arrangements.
Me - click.

How many people can deny knowing a married person in a situation like that.

woman does really control man

And try to control also,and sometimes if they cant control,,,they confide in their moms and come to the conclusion you horning,