stalest joke competiition

[SmokeyGTi]

^^

[slimshiney]

a fat man with a huge lap belly is called an Immortelle tree..


WHY????
















It can shade coco very well....

[evo_chic]

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

[evo_chic]

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the box.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday..

[evo_chic]

A man and woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3
O'clock in the morning, a resounding noise came from outside... The
woman, sort of bewildered, Jumps up from the bed and yells at the man
sheit!, that must be my husband! So the guy quickly got out of bed, scared,
and naked. He jumped out the window like crazy man, Smashed himself on the
ground, went through a thorn bush, Then he stood up and started to run
fast to his car. Just a few minutes later he returns and tells the woman
I'm your husband, you slut!!! So the woman answers: - Oh, yeah?!! And why
were you running?!!

[evo_chic]

WEYY AH HAVIN REL STALE JOKES DRED!

[Rainman]

evo_chic! it fat?

[evo_chic]

what?

[skylinechild]

an eskimo covered from head to toe with snow went to have his car repaired.....

the mechanic took one look at the engine and glanced back at the eskimo and said" looks like you blew a seal"

the eskimo said "nah....that's just frost on my mustache"........

[skylinechild]

little johnny normal teacher was absent from school one day so the substitute teacher was assigned to his class....

the sub teacher walks in and says " good morning class my name is Miss PRUSSY"......"remember it has an "R" in it".....


the next few days the normal teacher resumes classes like normal and then the very next day the substitute teacher was back.

the sub teacher walks in and says" good morning class..who can remember my name?".....and remember it has an "R" in it..."

little johnny hand shot up in an instant......thinking for a bit and looking at her with a straight face he said " Miss CRUNT"......

[skylinechild]

little johnny normal teacher was absent from school one day so the substitute teacher was assigned to his class....

the sub teacher walks in and says " good morning class my name is Miss PRUSSY"......"remember it has an "R" in it".....


the next few days the normal teacher resumes classes like normal and then the very next day the substitute teacher was back.

the sub teacher walks in and says" good morning class..who can remember my name?".....and remember it has an "R" in it..."

little johnny hand shot up in an instant.... he says" i remember it has an "R" in it....thinking for a few secs ..he looks up and says" Miss CRUNT"......

.......

[Foxy]

yuh Nose soo big, ah Ants have to pass round yuh head to take ah short cut

[Foxy]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
2 liters of low fat milk
a carton of eggs
2 liters of orange juice
a head of lettuce
half a dozen tomatoes
a 500g jar of coffee
a 250g pack of bacon
As she was unloading her items on the counter to be cashed.. A drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, " You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her items on the counter and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

[Foxy]

MY STALESSSSST and I am out..........















what do Winnie the pooh and John the baptist have in common?
they both have the same middle name

[evo_chic]

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

[Rainman]

what?

haven't been here long, have ya?

[^^!SPAWN!^^]

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault - Today is my first day driving a cab - I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'

[evo_chic]

what?

haven't been here long, have ya?

nope.... look on de left under my avatar (1 tech post)
pm meh an lemme kno wha yuh mean.. kindly

[evo_chic]

A man had suicidal tendencies...

Upon much contemplation, he drove to the lake, popped his trunk and grabbed his rope. He climb the tallest tree that he could find.

Very carefully, he walked across a long branch over the lake and tied the rope to the branch and slipped the noose around his neck.

He stood there for a while and before he could jump

CRATAX!! The branch broke....

He start to bawl " HELP! HELP! Ah cyar swim!!!"

[vimal_vs]

^LOL good one..

[UML]

> > Ear Infection
> >
> > They often ask you at the doctor's surgery why
> > you are there - and you have to answer in front of all the
> > others who are waiting, what the problem is.
> >
> > Sometimes this can be embarrassing.
> >
> > There's nothing worse than a receptionist who
> > insists you tell her what is wrong with you - in a room full
> > of other patients.
> >
> > I know most of us have experienced this, and I love
> > the way this old guy handled it.
> >
> > ************************
> >
> >
> > An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room
> > and approached the desk.
> >
> >
> > The receptionist said, 'Yes Sir. What are you
> > seeing the doctor for today?'
> >
> > 'There's something wrong with my dick,'
> > he replied.
> >
> > The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You
> > shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say
> > things like that.'
> >
> > 'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told
> > you,' he said.
> >
> > The receptionist replied, 'You've caused some
> > embarrassment to this room full of people. You should have
> > said there is something wrong with your ear, or something,
> > and discussed the problem further with your doctor in
> > private.'
> >
> > The man replied tartly, 'You shouldn't ask
> > people questions - in a room full of strangers - if the
> > answer may embarrass anyone.'
> >
> > So, the man walked out, waited several minutes, and
> > then re-entered the surgery.
> >
> > The receptionist smiled smugly and asked,
> > 'Yes?'
> >
> > 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he
> > stated.
> >
> > The receptionist smiled, nodded approvingly, knowing
> > he had taken her advice.
> >
> > 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
> >
> > 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
> >
> > The waiting room erupted in laughter.

[nello-sello]

A policeman sees three ducks swiming illegally in a pond
He arrests them and takes them to court
Judge asks the first duck: what is your name
1st Duck: qwak
Judge: qwak , what were u doing in d pond
1st Duck: nothing your honor ...jus swiming, splashing around and blowing bubbles
Judge calls second Duck:
Judge what is your name:
2nd Duck: qwak qwak
Judge: qwak qwak what were u doing in d pond
2nd Duck: nothing yuh honor jus swimming, splashing around and blowing bubbles
Judge to 3rd Duck: Aha I know what your name is..Its qwak qwak qwak right?
3rd Duck: no your honor my name is bubbles


bwah bwah bwahhhhhhhhh

[skylinechild]

bad duck joke

[TRDcorolla]

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not
allow
me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he
would
tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling
and
made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her
that I
was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was
"CRAZY"
and give me a few days off.



A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are
you
doing?"



I told him I was a light bulb.



He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a
couple
of days."



I jumped down and walked out of the office.



When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you
think
you're going?"



(You're going to love this.....)







She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

[honda hoe]

A man had suicidal tendencies...

Upon much contemplation, he drove to the lake, popped his trunk and grabbed his rope. He climb the tallest tree that he could find.

Very carefully, he walked across a long branch over the lake and tied the rope to the branch and slipped the noose around his neck.

He stood there for a while and before he could jump

CRATAX!! The branch broke....

He start to bawl " HELP! HELP! Ah cyar swim!!!"

i could pm you too?

[slimshiney]

The water company called a woman and ask.
Co:"Is your water running mam?
Lady: Yes it is






















Co: Well go run after it..........................................................................................



And the chirping of crickets continue






Silenc

[babydolz#1]

A koala bear was approached by a prostitute. Since he had never
>>been with one before, he was curious and excited. They spent the
>>night together in a hotel, and he went down on her one last time
>>before departing.
>>
>>As he was heading for the door, the prostitute yelled, "Hey! What
>>about my money?" The koala turned, gave her a puzzled look, and
>>shrugged his shoulders. She said, "Come here," and pulled a
>>dictionary out of her purse. She pointed to the word "prostitute"
>>and its definition: "has sex and gets paid"
>>
>>Finally understanding, the koala borrowed her dictionary, turned to
>>the word "koala", and showed her: "eats bush and leaves"

[Yeo]

[eliteauto]

This morning a man bounce a cow


the sound was "BANG"



when it land it go "BEEF"

[Razkal]

^steups...on ah choosday mornin boy cl101?