stalest joke competiition

[mitsuboi]

Good bar joke (not all that funny unless acted out and ur head lil bad)

So Jesus and Moses heads off to play golf one day....so they come across one of the holes where they have to hit the ball across the pond.....Jesus turns to Moses and asks him "hey Moses what iron do u think Tiger Woods would use?"

Moses says "well Tiger Woods is a pro golfer and the best in the world...he'd probably use a 7-iron, but u aint no pro so u should use the 9-iron"

Jesus looks at Moses and says "Moses, give me the 7-iron"

Moses "I just told u, use the 9-iron"

Jesus "I aint no pro, I'm the Son of God and if Tiger could do it, I could do it"

One swing and the ball ends up in the pond

Jesus "Moses do your thing, part the pond let me walk in and retrieve my ball"

Jesus gets his ball and comes back to Moses, "Moses give me the 7-iron"

Moses "but u just tried with the 7 and I told u, Tiger is the best in the world, u'd just send it in the pond again, use the 9-iron"

Jesus "Moses, if Tiger can do it, I can do it"

Jesus swings again and hits the ball straight in the pond"

Jesus "Moses, do your thing, part the pond again"

Jesus comes back again with his ball "Moses, get me the 7-iron"

Moses "Look, Tiger is the best, he's won countless championships, he's a master of the game, use the damn 9-iron, if u hit it in the pond again I'm not parting the pond"

Jesus "Moses, give me the 7-iron, if Tiger could do it, I could do it"

One swing again and the ball ends up in the pond

Jesus "Moses do your thing"

Moses "I told u already, go and get it yourself"

Jesus goes to the pond, walks on the water, dips his hand Into the pond and starts fishing around for his ball...

A group of golfers approach Moses "what the hell Moses, every time that guy hits the ball in the pond u have to part it, now he's walking on the water, who does he feel he is, Jesus???

Moses "Noooo he feel he's Tiger Woods"

[dan80]

What did one blackberry owner say to the other blackberry owner today?








Nothing.

[silver]

Good bar joke (not all that funny unless acted out and ur head lil bad)

So Jesus and Moses heads off to play golf one day....so they come across one of the holes where they have to hit the ball across the pond.....Jesus turns to Moses and asks him "hey Moses what iron do u think Tiger Woods would use?"

Moses says "well Tiger Woods is a pro golfer and the best in the world...he'd probably use a 7-iron, but u aint no pro so u should use the 9-iron"

Jesus looks at Moses and says "Moses, give me the 7-iron"

Moses "I just told u, use the 9-iron"

Jesus "I aint no pro, I'm the Son of God and if Tiger could do it, I could do it"

One swing and the ball ends up in the pond

Jesus "Moses do your thing, part the pond let me walk in and retrieve my ball"

Jesus gets his ball and comes back to Moses, "Moses give me the 7-iron"

Moses "but u just tried with the 7 and I told u, Tiger is the best in the world, u'd just send it in the pond again, use the 9-iron"

Jesus "Moses, if Tiger can do it, I can do it"

Jesus swings again and hits the ball straight in the pond"

Jesus "Moses, do your thing, part the pond again"

Jesus comes back again with his ball "Moses, get me the 7-iron"

Moses "Look, Tiger is the best, he's won countless championships, he's a master of the game, use the damn 9-iron, if u hit it in the pond again I'm not parting the pond"

Jesus "Moses, give me the 7-iron, if Tiger could do it, I could do it"

One swing again and the ball ends up in the pond

Jesus "Moses do your thing"

Moses "I told u already, go and get it yourself"

Jesus goes to the pond, walks on the water, dips his hand Into the pond and starts fishing around for his ball...

A group of golfers approach Moses "what the hell Moses, every time that guy hits the ball in the pond u have to part it, now he's walking on the water, who does he feel he is, Jesus???

Moses "Noooo he feel he's Tiger Woods"

Funny...but technically incorrect.
In Golf the higher the iron number the shorter the distance and higher the loft. So a 7 iron would hit further and flatter than a 9 iron. Tiger would therefore have used the 9 iron and been able to get the distance and height that a 'lesser mortal' would have needed a 6 or 7 iron to achieve.

[JoeBama]

Smartie Pants

[supremacy_007]

dont know if srs :s

[stev]

What did one blackberry owner say to the other blackberry owner today?








Nothing.

[BIFF]

ROFLMAO

[reynold1]

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

[mitsuboi]

Thx bai silver...duly noted


A woman meets n attractive man in a bar n asks him what he is drinkin.

'Magic Beer,' he says.

She thinks he's a lil crazy, so she walks around d bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talkin to, goes back to d man sittin at d bar n says, 'That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?'

'Yes, I'll show u.'

He takes a mug of d beer, jumps out d window, flies around d building three times n comes back in d window.

D lady cant believe it: 'I bet u cant do that again.'

He takes another mug of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, n comes back in d window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so d guy says to d bartender, 'Giv her one of what I'm havin.'

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out d window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body,n dies.

D bartender looks up at d guy n says, 'You knw, Superman, u'r a real muffler bearing wen u'r drunk.

[mitsuboi]

^^ O_O ok it supposed A-hole not muffler bearing

[mitsuboi]

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the
first girl, 'Mary-Agnes, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?'
She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip
of my finger.'
St. Peter says,' Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Catherine, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?'
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one. '
Peter says, 'Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says,'Agatha! What seems to be the rush?'
The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Brenda sticks her ass in it"

[mitsuboi]

Virginity is like a balloon. One iron & it's gone forever!
Sex is like a pack of chips, once you start you can't stop!
Exam paper is like a dick, When it gets hard people get screwed!
Work is like group sex, 10 people r behind ur ass to take your place.
Education is like a prostitute, it needs both your money & your hard work.
Success is like masturbating, only your own hand can let U achieve it.
So, basically life is a PORNOGRAPHY

[stev]

wat do u call a singing computer?



adele (ah Dell)

[sharkman121]

What did one blackberry owner say to the other blackberry owner today?




Nothing.

Q.how do you accommodate 4 faggets with 1 chair




A.just turn it over

[Jade_Inc.]

Q: what would u get if u cross a donkey wit a piece of onion?
A: a piece of ass dat wud bring a tear to ur eyes.

[mitsuboi]

A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38. The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jews remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."

[mitsuboi]

Made Me LOL

Screams During Orgasms of Different Types Of Women

1. The Optimist - " Ahh ..... Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

2. The Pessimist - " Ahh ..... Oh No, Oh No, Oh No ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

3. The Confused - " Ahh ..... Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

4. The Traveler - " Ahh ..... I'm coming, I'm coming ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

5. The Religious - " Ahh ..... Oh God, Oh God..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

6. The Needy - " Ahh ..... More, More, More..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

7. The Beggar - " Ahh ..... Please ..... Please ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

8. The Submariner - " Ahh ..... Ohhhh ..... Deeper ..... Go DEEPER..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

9. The Sports woman - " Ahh ..... Faster ..... Faster ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

10. The Mimicry artist - " Ahh ..... Shhhhh ..... Hsssss ..... Shhhhh ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

11. The Dutiful Daughter - " Ahh ..... Oooh maaaa ..... Oooh maaaa ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

12. The Wrestler - " Ahh ..... Hold me tight ..... Rougher ..... Harder ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

13. The Murderer - " Ahh ... I am going to cum ... Ahh ... If you cum before me, I'll kill you ... Aaahhh ..! "

[cinco]

What Internet browser does Daisy Voisin use?





















IE IE

[rollingstock]

^

[Stephon.]

Thx bai silver...duly noted


A woman meets n attractive man in a bar n asks him what he is drinkin.

'Magic Beer,' he says.

She thinks he's a lil crazy, so she walks around d bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talkin to, goes back to d man sittin at d bar n says, 'That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?'

'Yes, I'll show u.'

He takes a mug of d beer, jumps out d window, flies around d building three times n comes back in d window.

D lady cant believe it: 'I bet u cant do that again.'

He takes another mug of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, n comes back in d window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so d guy says to d bartender, 'Giv her one of what I'm havin.'

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out d window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body,n dies.

D bartender looks up at d guy n says, 'You knw, Superman, u'r a real muffler bearing wen u'r drunk.

Lmfaooooo what is air?

[stev]

i decided to put this true story in this thread

so a few minutes ago, i was walking down st vincent street to use the ATM. algico plaza has only one ATM. there i met a lady who seems to be struggling with the machine. i asked her wats wrong and she said her card got stuck in the machine.

no scene, i told her to call her bank and tell them etc. they would advise her further and i told her not to worry. she said: "but u dont understand...its my ID card that is stuck"

"why did you put ur ID card in the machine?" i asked. she said that she jus got her credit card and a friend told her that she had to always present a form of ID wen using the card. so she put her ID card in first.

i didnt say anything....i just walked away....sat in d office...laugh for a good 5 mins. den wrote this here

LMAO...hope she gets back her ID

[Shango_13]

What Internet browser does Daisy Voisin use?





















IE IE

[speedaholic]

i decided to put this true story in this thread

so a few minutes ago, i was walking down st vincent street to use the ATM. algico plaza has only one ATM. there i met a lady who seems to be struggling with the machine. i asked her wats wrong and she said her card got stuck in the machine.

no scene, i told her to call her bank and tell them etc. they would advise her further and i told her not to worry. she said: "but u dont understand...its my ID card that is stuck"

"why did you put ur ID card in the machine?" i asked. she said that she jus got her credit card and a friend told her that she had to always present a form of ID wen using the card. so she put her ID card in first.

i didnt say anything....i just walked away....sat in d office...laugh for a good 5 mins. den wrote this here

LMAO...hope she gets back her ID

by chance was she blonde? that wud make a perfect blonde joke!!! i cant believe som1 cud be that retarded all at once!!! ROTFL!!!

[rfari]

A man walks into a bar, and goes up to a female bartender and says: lemme get ah half Puncheon, 5 cups, ah bowl ah ice and one ah you....
Bartender: One ah me??
Man: yeah ah monstah"

[supremacy_007]

hahahahaha... have to try that....

[speedaholic]

rell kixxx!!

[rollingstock]

rell kixxx!!

some help dey bai

[speedaholic]

hahahahaha... have to try that....

been there, done that!

[speedaholic]

rell kixxx!!

some help dey bai

fixedd! ! gone sleep nah bai stock!

[mitsuboi]

i decided to put this true story in this thread

so a few minutes ago, i was walking down st vincent street to use the ATM. algico plaza has only one ATM. there i met a lady who seems to be struggling with the machine. i asked her wats wrong and she said her card got stuck in the machine.

no scene, i told her to call her bank and tell them etc. they would advise her further and i told her not to worry. she said: "but u dont understand...its my ID card that is stuck"

"why did you put ur ID card in the machine?" i asked. she said that she jus got her credit card and a friend told her that she had to always present a form of ID wen using the card. so she put her ID card in first.

i didnt say anything....i just walked away....sat in d office...laugh for a good 5 mins. den wrote this here

LMAO...hope she gets back her ID

by chance was she blonde? that wud make a perfect blonde joke!!! i cant believe som1 cud be that retarded all at once!!! ROTFL!!!

Don't be surprised...some ppl really that retarded

Padna of mine give me a joke.....he say one day he gone in d atm and hear dis man cussing d machine.....wen he ask d man wa rong...d man say "boy is bout 10 mins I standing here and keep tellin d machine I want $500"

D man thought d voice da speaks to u is interactive yes

Same padna say he call directv to apply (true story)....first question d woman ask....do u have electricity in your house??? Like umm no I go plug d tv in mih *insert witty remark*

Nex question....do u have a tv in your house???
Some ppl apparently thought wen dey say directv it comin wit a tv yes