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stalest joke competiition

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby jeepers » April 14th, 2011, 6:01 pm

why you dont bathe with a pokemon?


he will pikachu

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby konartis » April 14th, 2011, 6:34 pm

two skeletons was in a plane that was about to crash, one skeleton said we have to jump! the other said..boy..you have guts! :mrgreen:

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby Toyopet » April 14th, 2011, 10:17 pm

Title: A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and rode across the Wheatstone Bridge into a magnetic field, next to a flowing current , to watch the sine waves.

Micro Farad was very much stimulated by Millie's characteristic curve. Being attractive himself, he soon had her field fully excited. He set her on the ground potential, raised his frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. When he inserted it in parallel, he short-circuited her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". As he increased his tube to maximum output, her coil vibrated from the current flow. It did not take long for her shunt to reach maximum heat. Now with the excessive current shortening her shunt, Micro's capacity rapidly discharged – every electron was drained off. But that was not the end of it. Indeed, they fluxed all night, tried various connections and hookings until his bar magnet weakened, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they went home. A few weeks later, they were merged forever and oscillated happily ever after.

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby DFC » April 14th, 2011, 10:25 pm

^^ a little too technical for me.

i will still laff ...just for appreciation sake.

ha ha ha.

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby zcarz » April 15th, 2011, 6:01 pm

Toyopet wrote:Title: A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and rode across the Wheatstone Bridge into a magnetic field, next to a flowing current , to watch the sine waves.

Micro Farad was very much stimulated by Millie's characteristic curve. Being attractive himself, he soon had her field fully excited. He set her on the ground potential, raised his frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. When he inserted it in parallel, he short-circuited her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". As he increased his tube to maximum output, her coil vibrated from the current flow. It did not take long for her shunt to reach maximum heat. Now with the excessive current shortening her shunt, Micro's capacity rapidly discharged – every electron was drained off. But that was not the end of it. Indeed, they fluxed all night, tried various connections and hookings until his bar magnet weakened, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they went home. A few weeks later, they were merged forever and oscillated happily ever after.

brilliantly perverted!

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby mitsuboi » April 20th, 2011, 7:13 pm

^^i tink only ppl who know bout electrical would appreciate da one

Anyways
A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes
flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his
head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to
the front door and starts pounding on it.

An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to
knock so loudly.

The passerby asks, “Who’s in your upstairs room?”

The elderly man replies, “I can’t see how it’s any of your
business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended
son-in-law are upstairs.”

The passerby hands him the used condom and says, “Well, I
just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out
the window!"

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby mitsuboi » April 20th, 2011, 7:20 pm

Fellas alyuh try dis one

‎​A guy in a hurry enters the ladies toilet...lady inside screams and says. "This is for ladies".. Guy opens his zipper n says "this is for ladies too"

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby neocyst » April 20th, 2011, 9:14 pm

A ham and cheese sandwich walks into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby sharkman121 » April 22nd, 2011, 6:31 pm

mitsuboi wrote:Fellas alyuh try dis one

‎​A guy in a hurry enters the ladies toilet...lady inside screams and says. "This is for ladies".. Guy opens his zipper n says "this is for ladies too"


:|

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby bonzo.specb » April 22nd, 2011, 7:21 pm

Toyopet wrote:Title: A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and rode across the Wheatstone Bridge into a magnetic field, next to a flowing current , to watch the sine waves.

Micro Farad was very much stimulated by Millie's characteristic curve. Being attractive himself, he soon had her field fully excited. He set her on the ground potential, raised his frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. When he inserted it in parallel, he short-circuited her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". As he increased his tube to maximum output, her coil vibrated from the current flow. It did not take long for her shunt to reach maximum heat. Now with the excessive current shortening her shunt, Micro's capacity rapidly discharged – every electron was drained off. But that was not the end of it. Indeed, they fluxed all night, tried various connections and hookings until his bar magnet weakened, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they went home. A few weeks later, they were merged forever and oscillated happily ever after.

:lol: :lol: Kudos to whoever wrote this.

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Re:

Postby sharlon » April 23rd, 2011, 12:16 am

Razkal wrote:what u call a blind deer with no legs and no dick?



























still no fcuking idea :|




What do you call a blind deer with no legs no dick and no ears




















It doesn't matter .... he can't hear you anyway :/

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby Anton » April 23rd, 2011, 12:22 am

What do you call a Pakistani submarine commander?








Gandeep Undawatta

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby Anton » April 23rd, 2011, 12:24 am

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree!" "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock.

Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath, "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it?" "Pepe... ees not a bacon tree... ees... ees... aes a ham bush...!"

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby rollingstock » April 23rd, 2011, 12:27 am

:rofl:

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby K74T » April 23rd, 2011, 12:32 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby sharkman121 » April 23rd, 2011, 12:41 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby triniangie » April 23rd, 2011, 12:56 am

^ :rofl:

Anton wrote:What do you call a Pakistani submarine commander?








Gandeep Undawatta

:rofl:

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby Bizzare » April 23rd, 2011, 1:00 am

LOOLLLLL ^^

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby Anton » April 23rd, 2011, 5:59 pm

The doctor approached the husband who was in the waiting room while his wife was being examined. The doctor said, "I have good news and bad news." "What's the bad news?" "Your wife has syphilis." The husband exclaimed, "What could possibly be 'good news' with a situation like that?" The doctor replied, "She didn't get it from you."

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby Anton » April 23rd, 2011, 6:04 pm

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists - three men.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... you must kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the third man's turn. He was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" he said. "So I had to beat her to death with the chair."

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby Anton » April 23rd, 2011, 6:06 pm

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Obviously she was devastated and extremely angry. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me!? A faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"

The husband replied, "Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed," but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments."

"Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight."

"I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste."

"I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby speedaholic » April 24th, 2011, 10:48 am

^^^! i LOL'd!

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby mitsuboi » May 2nd, 2011, 2:36 pm

Please forward to all people you care about!! This is a very serious warning to all my friends, drinking and driving is extremely dangerous. Last evening while driving, I stuck my arm out of the window to indicate that I was turning right and someone stole my stag.

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby mitsuboi » May 2nd, 2011, 2:37 pm

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink..

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby jusme » May 2nd, 2011, 2:40 pm

mitsuboi wrote:Please forward to all people you care about!! This is a very serious warning to all my friends, drinking and driving is extremely dangerous. Last evening while driving, I stuck my arm out of the window to indicate that I was turning right and someone stole my stag.

i lol'd hard :lol:

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby jmccomie » May 2nd, 2011, 2:44 pm

mitsuboi wrote:What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
wat de phorq...lol

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink..

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby mitsuboi » May 2nd, 2011, 4:26 pm

‎​Man asks a prostitute "how much". She says: "$50 on da bed,$30 on da sofa and $10 on da grass". He gives her $50 she says: "u're a man of class ." Man replies: "class my ass. 5 times on da grass.

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby speedaholic » May 2nd, 2011, 11:06 pm

mitsuboi wrote:
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

HAHAHA!

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby eliteauto » May 3rd, 2011, 12:31 am

" what do you call a one legged rasta?"


"a mop"

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Re: stalest joke competiition

Postby rollingstock » May 3rd, 2011, 5:26 am

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