stalest joke competiition

[COROLLA KID]

2 modded Honda Civic's pulls up at a stop together.
when the light turns green
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they drive off normal :/

[uncle sam]

hickory dickory dock
3 mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one
and the other two escaped with minor injuries

rofl

[CS3A_GLX]

There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.

He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.

"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.

"What do you want for some water?"

"You have to have sex with me."

Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.

"Do me here," she told him.

He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.

"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"

The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and skrews her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.

"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again."

This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.

"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

"Eyes closed," he says.

Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.

One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

[rollingstock]

[COROLLA KID]

What's the difference between a Police car and a porcupine?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

[sharkman121]

hickory dickory dock
3 mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one
and the other two escaped with minor injuries

rofl

[MG Man]

hickory dickory dock
3 mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one
and the other two escaped with minor injuries

rofl

[~Vēġó~]

nah jed....leh me go back and watch monster jam yes.........

[lighthammer]

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'

[sMASH]

lol

ah man gone in subway so de woman ask em if he need some help so he say no she ask him again if he sure so de man ask de woman SO WEN DE NEXT TRAIN PASSIN?

^^it took me a week to catch this

what is the difference between a public servant at work and one on strike?

one is inside the building and the other is outside

[~Vēġó~]

old man likin heself.............lol

[TEMPO]

why did the chicken cross the football field ? cuz the refree called fowl ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA !

[speedfreak44]

lol

ah man gone in subway so de woman ask em if he need some help so he say no she ask him again if he sure so de man ask de woman SO WEN DE NEXT TRAIN PASSIN?

^^it took me a week to catch this

what is the difference between a public servant at work and one on strike?

one is inside the building and the other is outside

[neals]

which one love uh more, uh wife/gf or uh dog??



to find the answer lock both of them in the trunk for half hour in hot sun, and c which one happy to c uh

[rollingstock]

^^^ That ain't a stale joke, that's fact.

[AYE_SOLDIER]

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

hickory dickory dock
3 mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one
and the other two escaped with minor injuries

rofl

heh....

[mitsuboi]

Once, inventors created a machine that could catch thieves, it was so successful that they tried it in countries all over the world, in the usa in 30 minutes it caught 5 thieves, in england within 10 min, 10 thieves, in jamaica within 6 min it caught 15 thieves, in trinidad within 3 min, they thief d machine!!! =D =D =D

[Rotated]

Kamla have to Behave herself now........................................... Jack Warn-Her

[boostornuttin]

some ah these jokes kinda alright

[mitsu_chick941]

An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden; but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received this letter from his son:
Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie

At 6 am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

[Captainzaak]

An Apple store was broken into and $10,000 worth of merchandise was stolen...
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The police are confident they will recover both computers.

[mitsuboi]

Little girl Crying, "Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!". "Why" asked mum. "I cut my hand on a thorn and want the pain to go!".
Confused the mother poured some cider. She immediately dunked her hand in it.
"Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!"she whined.". "Why did you think that cider would ease ur pain?".
"Well, I heard my big sister say that whenever she gets a iron in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider".

[biggy82]

Little girl Crying, "Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!". "Why" asked mum. "I cut my hand on a thorn and want the pain to go!".
Confused the mother poured some cider. She immediately dunked her hand in it.
"Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!"she whined.". "Why did you think that cider would ease ur pain?".
"Well, I heard my big sister say that whenever she gets a iron in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider".

would have been funnier if you had said pr!ck here

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

allyuh hear about the man who's entire left side was cut off?




Well dont worry, he's all right now.

[mitsuboi]

Little girl Crying, "Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!". "Why" asked mum. "I cut my hand on a thorn and want the pain to go!".
Confused the mother poured some cider. She immediately dunked her hand in it.
"Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!"she whined.". "Why did you think that cider would ease ur pain?".
"Well, I heard my big sister say that whenever she gets a iron in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider".

would have been funnier if you had said pr!ck here

heyyy wtf mods .....it did say pri_k there....oh well pg-13 for it

[mafia generation]

ah tell ah gyul she so fat she jump in d air an stick!?!?

[MG Man]

what's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger

[neocyst]

A dwarf,a leprechaun and a midget walk under a bar.....

[Bizzare]

wtf Mg_man....lol