stalest joke competiition

[rollingstock]

tears
HG doh worry...lvl dig out like yam

Location: tickling ah tonsils

Tee Hee Hee

[boomkid]

what do you call a rastaman who owns a bakery?







ah bread drinn!

[madman2961]

three friends now came out of the cinema from watching a horror. It was about midnight and they wanted to cut through the cemetery to reach home faster but one of them was a serious coward. So he decided the stay in between his friends. So walking through the cemetery they started hearing a chipping sound. As they walked deeper in the Cemetery it got louder and louder. They then saw a man sitting by a tombstone carving a name. So they called out to the man "Hey mister, what you doing so late in the night out here?".
He continued. So they called at him again "Hey mister, what you doing?".
He turned and looked at the coward one and said, "They spell my name wrong so i correcting it."

[biggy82]

Woman in a pet shop was looking at the parrots, one for sale at $2000, another for $1500 and one in the corner for S100.

'Why's he so cheap?' she asked. The shop owner replied 'Because he used to live in ah whore house' The woman thought this was amusing so she took the parrot home.

'F*ck me, a new whore house!' said the parrot. The woman laughed. Then the woman's daughters came home..

'F*ck me, new girls!' the parrot said. They all laughed. Then the woman's husband came home...

'F*ck me, wham now Prakash, long time no see!'

[homeboy]

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend

trip to Louisiana.

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and

the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up,

having a great time, when one of them realized she

hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She

decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the

Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,

clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here?

We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard

and whispered...

'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!'

[sharkman121]

Woman in a pet shop was looking at the parrots, one for sale at $2000, another for $1500 and one in the corner for S100.

'Why's he so cheap?' she asked. The shop owner replied 'Because he used to live in ah whore house' The woman thought this was amusing so she took the parrot home.

'F*ck me, a new whore house!' said the parrot. The woman laughed. Then the woman's daughters came home..

'F*ck me, new girls!' the parrot said. They all laughed. Then the woman's husband came home...

'F*ck me, wham now Prakash, long time no see!'

wooogadddd!!!

[biggy82]

I braked hard but still hit the car in front.

A cute red-skinned girl jumped out and shouted "ram me up the ass why don't you?"

This your honour is where the confusion began......

[bushwakka]

^then it started

[homeboy]

Guyanese Letter


Dear Beta

Jus a few lines to leh yuh know dat ah still alive. Ah writing slow cause ah know yuh cyah read fast.

Yuh wont know de house when yuh come home. We move. Ah wont be able to sen yuh de new address as de last Guyanese family dat live here tek de house numbers wid dem so they wont have to change deh address at dey new house.

About yuh fadda.....he gat ah lovely job. He gat now over 1500 men under he. He cuttin grass at de cemetery.

Dere was a washin machine in de new house when we move in, but it aint wokin too good. Last week ah put some shirts in it, pull de chain, and ah aint see de shirts since.

Yuh sister, Parbattie had a baby dis marning. Ah aint find out wedda is a boy or a girl, so ah doh know if yuh is ah aunt or ah uncle.


Yuh know Bharose? Well he drown last week in ah vat at de rum distillery. Some ah he fellow workers dive in to save he, but he fight dem off bravely. He family cremate he body, and it tek three days to put out de fire.


Yuh fadda didnt have much tuh drink fuh Christmas. Ah put ah bottle ah castor oil in he soup.... It keep he goin until New Years.
Ah went to de dacta on Tursday and yuh fadda came wit meh . De dacta put a small tube in meh mouth an tell meh tuh nat open for 10 minutes. Yuh fadda offer to buy it from he.

It only rain twice last week. Fus for four days, and then for three days. Monday it was so windy dat de fowl Rooster fly roun de house fuh ah half hour and ah hen lay de same egg 3 times.

Ah go write yuh again as soon as ah cud sneak ah next page outta Vindra copy book.

Love - Mammy
PS: Ah was to send yuh ah twenty dalla but ah already seal de envelope.

[biggy82]

WIFE JOKES

Why did my wife cross the road?
To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three facking hours ago

I was screwing the wife last night and, after cumming for the second time, I rolled over.
My wife was not impressed and said, "How about finishing me off now?"
So I smothered her with my pillow.

Getting dressed after a weight session with my mate, he puts on a pair lace panties.
"Since when do you wear women's underwear?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

My internet connection was so slow yesterday I ended up just screwing the wife

Does anyone have the owner's manual for a wife?
Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

My Wife gets naked and asks me, "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
I looks her up and down and reply, "Your sense of humour."

The sex life's not been great recently so the wife's bought a dildo to spice it up a bit.
She says, "It's shaped like a carrot!" which is a ironic really, because her n*nny looks like a donkey yawning.

So the wife, was going to bed barefoot. She made up a hot cup of tea, got a pack of biscuits and picked up her book. She said goodnight, when I asked,
"You not taking your slippers up?" In reply, she nodded to the items she was carrying and said,
"Duh, I haven't got any hands free."
I swear to God I almost killed her there and then.

I couldn't find the thingy that turns the TV over today, so I asked one of the kids if they'd seen it.
They said she left me yesterday.

My wife asked, "Why don't we have sex any more?"
I said, "What do you mean, we?"

I got in a drunken argument with the wife last night and ended up saying some things I didn't mean.......
Like "Sorry, it was my fault" and "Of course I love you".

Took the wife to a dog show....she won.

I went to the doctors the other day and asked him for some sleeping tablets for the wife. When he asked me why she needed them I said "She keeps waking up".

Political correctness has gone too far - now we are supposed to get permission before we screw our wives. But waking her spoils the fun.

My wife said she wanted some excitement in the bedroom.
So I bought her an Xbox.

I was making a romantic breakfast in bed for my wife, when i heard her get out of bed and into the bath, needless to say, i was pissed off.
But maybe sprinting up the stairs with a toaster and roaring a battle cry as i threw it into the bath with her wasn't the best idea...

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1000.00 OBO.
Reason for sale: No longer needed, got married last weekend and wife knows facking everything.

I came home last week and said to the wife, "I've heard the village ram has slept with every woman in this street but one."
She replied, "God, I bet it's that stuck up beyotch from number 20!"

I don't think my wife loves me.
When I had a heart attack, she wrote for an ambulance.

Why is a woman like a hurricane?
When it arrives it's wet n wild, when it leaves it takes your house and your car !!!!!

The wife and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."

[MBC Autotronix]

A Jamaican and a Trinidadian, waiting at the heavens gates, strike up a conversation.

How did you die?' the Trinidadian man asked the Jamaican.

I froze to death mon, said the Jamaican.

That's awful! How does it feel to freeze to death? asked the Trinidadian.

Well brother, it was very uncomfortable at first but when the cold hit, my whole body started to shake and I got pain in my fingers and toes. Eventually, it came, a very calm way to die. I got numb and then I just driffed off, like dying in a sleep.

So how did you die Mon?' asked the Jamaican.

I had a heart attack, says the Trinidadian. You see, I did believe my wife was cheating on me, so one day I show up at home unexpectedly.

I ran up to the bedroom and found her alone knitting.

I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there.

I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.

The Jamaican man shakes his head. 'Kiss mi neck!' he says.

'What do you mean?' asks the Trinidadian.

'If you had just checked the freezer, the two of us would still be alive!!!

[Bizzare]

Why bandits doh rob rasta man house??

Cuz it hav dread locks.

Hottgyul, can i fall een that half of tuner. I think I een love

[rollingstock]

Answer de man gyul

[DJShortCircuit]

aye wham how allyuh cuttin meh up so .... i still waitin on meh kiss

[music man]

not bad!! fellas but .... dis one for all my gas brainers ... how do u call an electric car ??










































an ACCORD .......

[music man]

not bad!! fellas but .... dis one for all my gas brainers ... how do u call an electric car ??










































an ACCORD .......

[Bizzare]

music man GTFO
quickly !!

[DJShortCircuit]

[Ronaldo95163]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......

[CS3A_GLX]

eh???

[K74T]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......

[homeboy]

Pants and Panties
Mike was going to be married to Karen
so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on...'

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me..'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.'

Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'

Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change
your dotish attitude, you never will.'

[Chipz]

Allyuh hear what happen to the authentication protocol?








It got CHAP

[biggy82]

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking
Vegas hooker catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,
"How much do you charge?"

The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!
No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.
And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.

He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.

He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some p*ssy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.

Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?

"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a p*ssy."

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......

????????

[sharkman121]

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking
Vegas hooker catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,
"How much do you charge?"

The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!
No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.
And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.

He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.

He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some p*ssy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.

Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?

"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a p*ssy."

oh fackk

[uncle sam]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......

[rebel sounds]

Hear dis one


Ah woman who was having a baby went to the hospital. When she woke up from delivering her baby the doctor told her that she had twins and that her brother took the babies to name them. The woman said," Oh my gosh my brother is an idiot, what did he name the children?" The doctor said that he named the first one denise and the second one nephew......

lol...nice try actually he named the boy de-nephew

[Chimera]

wtf^^^^

[fay]

Ever sit nex to ah hot chick and wonder wat is d bess way to ''break d ice''. Wat came to mind was ''Ah Fat Penguin''