stalest joke competiition

[speedaholic]

^^ 1parentalepicfail

[Kish]

[speedaholic]

^^^ rotfl!

[area6]

tthe circle of life,,hahahhahahaha

[reynold1]

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some Cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not!
You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well now, that's different.
You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[mitsu_chick941]

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."

This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, "I want to get screwed." The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the door. The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says, "I really want to get screwed, bad!" A very sexy voice replies "Just slide $20 under the door." So the man slides the $20 under the door and waits... Nothing Happens! He knocks on the door again, and yells out "I want to get screwed!" The sexy voice behind the door answers, "Again?"

[COROLLA KID]

there once was a man from a tribe deep in the jungle who never been near civilization
one day an explorer came and offered to take the man to visit the city for 2 days.
the tribe man was over joyed an agreed
he went to the city and was amazed by all the technology but what amazed him the most was ICE cubes since he never saw ICE before in his life.
when it was time to leave to go back to the jungle he decided to take with him an ICE cube "to show off to the rest of the tribe" so he took it and put it in his pocket..

when he arrived back to his tribe, he gathered all the people around and said he had some thing to show them "its called ICE" he reached in his pocket to get the ICE cube "but obviously it melted"
he felt around but only to feel a WET pocket..

He then turned to the people and said "the flecking thing buss a piss and gone"..

[BrotherHood]

stalest joke competition?


wah we winning?

Well the joke very fackin stale..

[stev]

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

[ismithx]

^^ das not a joke hoss

[rspann]

The question was asked on the local history thread but i'll put the answer here cuz that thread too serious,origin of the political parties? PNM-mook
UNC-crook
COP-dook

[honda hoe]

A married couple are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George.
Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.


The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available
for them to use.

"But we didn't use them," the husband said.


''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in
one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here", the Manager says..

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.


"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book he asked his wife to write the
check. She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is only made out for $50.00."



''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager..

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

[Trini Hookah]

^ I believe that was posted here already.

[Mark!]

Which bank open today?



























Republic Bank

[jeevdude199]

Which bank open today?



























Republic Bank

[Stephon.]

one of those jokes that's so stale that you HAVE to laugh

[mammoo]

Mootilal went to a shop to buy some flour. He approached Mr. Chin the shopkeeper:


Mootilal: Aye Chin, leh mih geh 2 pong ah flour dey.

Chin: Solly Mooti, me eh have no flour.

Mootilal: Buh Chin, gih mih at lease ah pong nah boy.

Chin: Ah tell yuh, me ha no flour!

Mootilal: Chin yuh cyah even spare meh at lease half pound boy?


At this point Chin was getting aggravated with Mootilal


Chin: Ah have a riddle fuh yuh. If yuh take out de knife from de word breadknife, what yuh get?

Mootilal: knife in breadknife, take that away, yuh get BREAD!

Chin: Collect! Now if yuh take out de spoon from tablespoon, what yuh get?

Mootilal: Take away spoon in tablespoon, yuh get TABLE!

Chin: Now if yuh take out de fork from flour, what yuh get?

Mootilal: (after thinking while) Buh Chin, it eh have no fork in flour

Chin: Well that is what ah trying to tell you... it eh have no fork in flour

[*$kїđž!™]

Mootilal went to a shop to buy some flour. He approached Mr. Chin the shopkeeper:


Mootilal: Aye Chin, leh mih geh 2 pong ah flour dey.

Chin: Solly Mooti, me eh have no flour.

Mootilal: Buh Chin, gih mih at lease ah pong nah boy.

Chin: Ah tell yuh, me ha no flour!

Mootilal: Chin yuh cyah even spare meh at lease half pound boy?


At this point Chin was getting aggravated with Mootilal


Chin: Ah have a riddle fuh yuh. If yuh take out de knife from de word breadknife, what yuh get?

Mootilal: knife in breadknife, take that away, yuh get BREAD!

Chin: Collect! Now if yuh take out de spoon from tablespoon, what yuh get?

Mootilal: Take away spoon in tablespoon, yuh get TABLE!

Chin: Now if yuh take out de fork from flour, what yuh get?

Mootilal: (after thinking while) Buh Chin, it eh have no fork in flour

Chin: Well that is what ah trying to tell you... it eh have no fork in flour

FTW!

[dan80]

Mootilal went to a shop to buy some flour. He approached Mr. Chin the shopkeeper:


Mootilal: Aye Chin, leh mih geh 2 pong ah flour dey.

Chin: Solly Mooti, me eh have no flour.

Mootilal: Buh Chin, gih mih at lease ah pong nah boy.

Chin: Ah tell yuh, me ha no flour!

Mootilal: Chin yuh cyah even spare meh at lease half pound boy?


At this point Chin was getting aggravated with Mootilal


Chin: Ah have a riddle fuh yuh. If yuh take out de knife from de word breadknife, what yuh get?

Mootilal: knife in breadknife, take that away, yuh get BREAD!

Chin: Collect! Now if yuh take out de spoon from tablespoon, what yuh get?

Mootilal: Take away spoon in tablespoon, yuh get TABLE!

Chin: Now if yuh take out de fork from flour, what yuh get?

Mootilal: (after thinking while) Buh Chin, it eh have no fork in flour

Chin: Well that is what ah trying to tell you... it eh have no fork in flour

take win!

[dan80]

Four friends meet 30 years after graduating from school. One goes to bathroom. The other 3 start to talk how successful their sons became.

The 1st says his son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich he gave his best friend a ferrari.

The 2nd said his son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich he gave his best friend a jet.

Then the 3rd said his son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.

The 4th one comes back from the bathroom he ask whats the buzz is about. They told him they were talking about how successful their sons became and ask him about his son.

He said his son is gay and is a stripper at a gay bar. Other 3 said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful.

Oh no said the father, he is doing good. Last week was his birthday and he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends

[CleanAudio]

ROFL....wheeey all dis too much..

[Kenjo]

Since The Lion King is in 3D now, does that mean they should be singing about the Sphere of Life?

[img]<a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/blog/google_plus_lion1.jpg[/img" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" title="Link added by VigLink" class="vglnk">http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/blog/google_plus_lion1.jpg[/img</a>]
[img]<a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/blog/google_plus_lion2.jpg[/img" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" title="Link added by VigLink" class="vglnk">http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/blog/google_plus_lion2.jpg[/img</a>]

[mrtrini45]

[JoeBama]

Dont kno if repost....

Ladies, Read Only the First Part – Men, the Rest

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”

The woman said, “That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis to whom women will flock.”The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers, continue reading….

…
…
…
…
…
…

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife

Moral of the story: Women think they’re so smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!

[JoeBama]

Child: “Hello?”

Daddy: “Hi honey. It’s Daddy. Is Mommy nearby?”

Child: “No Daddy. Mommy’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

Daddy: “Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Paul.”

Child: “Yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy.”

Brief Pause.

Daddy: “Okay, honey. I want you to put the phone down on the table and run upstairs. Knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

Child: “Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

Moments later the little girl comes back to the phone.

Child: “I did it, Daddy.”

Daddy: “What happened, honey?”

Child: “Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and began running and screaming. She tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

Daddy: “Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?”

Child: “He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too. Then he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

Daddy: “Swimming pool? Is this 486-#$*$?”

[rollingstock]

:mrgreen:

Love the way you think.

[JoeBama]

Then and Now

[speedaholic]

:mrgreen:

! rotfl!

[AUDIOHOLICS]

Q.how do you accommodate 4 faggets with 1 chair



















A.just turn it over

[jramsarran]

^ ^ ^....:O

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha