stalest joke competiition

[Rooki3]

For my sons birthday we bought him an iPod. For my daughters birthday we bought her an iPhone and for my birthday I recieved an iPad. Thinking along the same lines I bought my wife for her birthday an iRon - and thats when the fight started

[jockey-shorts]

operator: name?

muslim man: Abdul Al-Rahzib

operator: sex?

muslim man: three to five times a week

operator: no on ....i mean male or female?

muslim man: male....female......sumtimes camel

operator: holy cow

muslim man: yes!!...cow...sheep...animals in general

operator: but isn't that hostile?

muslim man: horse style....doggy style...any style

operator: ohhh dear!!

muslim man: no no ......dear run too fast!!

So how come it wasn't a Christian man, or a Hindu man or a Jew??? Why the disrespect?

operator: name?

foolish man: RaidenRain

operator: sex?

RaidenRain: three to five times a week

operator: no on ....i mean male or female?

RaidenRain: male....female......sumtimes camel

operator: holy cow

RaidenRain: yes!!...cow...sheep...animals in general

operator: but isn't that hostile?

RaidenRain: horse style....doggy style...any style

operator: ohhh dear!!

RaidenRain: no no ......deer run too fast!!

fixed

[sharkman121]

^ dont get yr jockeys in a bunch dude...take it as it is.

[tr1ad]

emo much? thats why this is a joke thread
if offensive maybe you shouldn't open it

but then again i'm pretty sure that you are muslim and open the NWS threads

[jockey-shorts]

emo much? thats why this is a joke thread
if offensive maybe you shouldn't open it

but then again i'm pretty sure that you are muslim and open the NWS threads

NWS thread huh??? maybe i'll go see what they're about........don't assume or be 'pretty sure' bout nuthin with me, afer all, to you i'm just another username on this thread. i wonder how it will play off if the 'hindu-jokes', 'christian-jokes' and the 'black-jokes' start rolling in. Those jokes should be ok too, right?; i ain't see nobody goin there though.

trinituner.com really brings out the best in us......especially when we could hide behind a monitor and say what we want

[jockey-shorts]

all fackery aside.......Bus Accident:-

A bus load of politicians, driving down the road when the bus driver lost control and crashed into a tree in the farmer's field. The farmer hear what happened gone to see, when he see how the bus mash-up, he dig a hole and bury all the politicians inside.
A few days later, the police come and see the write-off bus. He asked the old farmer,"all ah them dead?"
The old farmer replied," Well, some of them say they ain't dead yet, but you know how them blasted politicians does lie."

[OldSkoolRule]

anybody have ah shark?

yup, but it eat meh neighbour so I had to throw it back in the sea...

[the_animal]

all yuh is joke not religion >.laff naaaaaaaaaa

[Ted_v2]

A Trini Letter To Santa
Tuna Puna
Trinidad


December 26, 2005

Dear Santa,

know yah probly wonderin why I writin yuh on BoxsingDay,but after opening meh presents and dem yesterday, I just had to write yuh. Santa ah was a real good gyul all year round, ahlissen to meh muddah when she talk to meh, ah help out with house wuk, ah even help de neighbour chilrren and them do dey chaws too. Ah helped dat old Mr.George across d road when d oddah chilrren just watch him and leave him dey. Santa ah study hard in school dis year,so hard that ah come fuss in meh class.

Santa when ah write mehChristmas List to yuh, ah axk yuh for a Barbie princess doll, ahBarbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game and amonopoly.

So Santa . . . how d hell after reading meh list you would leave under d blasted Christmas tree ah shitty light up yo-yo,ah firetruck plastic tea-set and ah blasted no name dolly lookin like she have polio. Santa is like yuh blind or yuh cyah read! Every year ah say ah would stop believing in yuh firetruck a$$ and like ah fool ah does always give yuh ah nex chance but ah firetruck again. Yuh fat backside dead with me, yuh hear what ah say,yuh dead. Ah go wait for yuh muddaha$$ next year, yuh better don't try to squeezeyuh fat bolockscious bottom thru meh louvers, becauseSanta ah swear ah go firetruck yuh up, it go be me , you and a guava wood.

Just imagine you give that little cokey eye, knock knee,Laurel from across de road, she get everything that she axk for,till she doh even have room to walk around she house. And Santa,yuh see you and dem stinkin reindeer and dem,all yah better tink twice bout landing on my house next year, especially dat fag Red noseprick Rudolph, ah go stone he mc yuh go have to walk back to d north pole when ah done with dem. I swear nex year, ah waiting patiently for yuh fat a$$ to come Ho-Hoin' on meh galvanise roof. Ah go do fuh yuh, ah promise, watch and see...

Love,
Kerri Ann.

[Ted_v2]

^^best

[thesnake11]

Q>> Y did tha turkey cross the road???


A>> Because he didn't want to be called a chicken

[mitsuboi]

got dis long time ago......might be a refresher for most!!!!!

JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it..

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends..

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA..

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had aBlonde baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ....' -A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t

[outsiderzkrew]

I think I heard the "muslim" joke before, and I think it was intended to be said in an accent, not normal, but I understand some pple would be offended, I'm a muslim and I'm not.... It's just a joke...

[mitsu_chick941]

long but worth it




Dear Beta (mi dear son),

Jus a few lines to leh yuh know dat ah still alive. Ah writing slow cause ah know yuh cyan read fas.
Yuh wont know de house when yuh come home. We move. Ah wont be able to sen yuh de new address as de last Guyanese family dat live hey tek de numbers wid dem so they wont have to change deh address at deh new House.
About yuh fadda.....he gat a lovely job. He gat now over 1500 new men under he. He cuttin grass at Le Repentir Cemetery.

Dere was a washin machine in de new home when we move in, but it aint wokin too good. Last week ah put 14 shirts in it, pull de chain, and ah aint see de shirts since.
Yuh sister, Parbattie had a baby dis marning. Ah aint find out wedda is a boy or a girl, so ah dont know if yuh is a aunt or uncle. Yuh uncle, Bharose, drowned last week in a vat ah XM at de distillery.

Some ah he fellow workers dive in to save he, but he fight dem aff bravely. We cremated he body, and it tek three days to put out de fire.
Yuh fadda didn have much tuh drink at Christmas. Ah put a bottle ah castor oil in he flattie.. It keep he goin until New Year.

Ah went to de dacta on Tursday and yuh fadda came wit meh . De dacta put a small tube in meh mouth an tell meh nat fuh open for 10 minutes. Yuh fadda offer to buy it from he. It only rain twice last week. Fus for four days, and then for three days. Monday it was so windy that one ah the chickens lay de same egg four times.
We had a letta yesterday from de undertaker. He seh if de last installment aint pay on yuh nanees in seven days......up she comes.


Love - Mammy
PS: Ah was to send you $10.00 but ah already seal de envelope.

[Obi-Wan]

* Michael Jackson hasn’t been this stiff since Macully Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch.
* Because Jackson’s body was 95% plastic, he will be melted down and turned into legos, this way kids can play with him for a change.
* Reports that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack in his home are untrue… He actually died having a stroke in the children’s ward.
* In the spirit of recycling, Michael Jackson will be melted down into plastic party cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.
* In accordance with Michael Jackson’s will, little boys’ pants shall be flown at half-mast today.
* Doctors are looking into claims that MJ’s death could have been caused by an allergic reaction from eating 12 year old nuts.
* I heard Michael Jackson died of food poisoning from eating a 5 year old wiener.
* Micheal jackson will always be with us… he is not biodegradable.
* Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates and God asked her what he could do for her having led such an honest life. Farrah asked God to simply make sure the children of the world were safe. Five minutes later, Michael Jackson died.
* MJ’s dying wish was to be melted down and turned into straws so he can still get sucked on by kids.
* It has been released that MJs last wish was that he wants to be melted down and made into a slide so kids can go down on him forever.
* In memory of MJ’s death, McDonald’s is coming out with the new “McJackson”. It’s 50 year old meat between 12 year old buns.
* Michael Jackson’s ashes are going to be put in an Etch A Sketch so kids can still twiddle his knob.
* Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide. Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.
* Only in America can someone be born a poor black kid, and die a rich white woman.
* Madonna sent her condolences to the Jackson family. Then asked how much they wanted for the kids.
* Breaking News: Casper the friendly ghost was molested in the early hours of this morning!
* Michael Jackson’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital!”
* What was Michael Jacksons last hit? The floor!
* Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. He really shouldn’t have looked at the man in the mirror.

[zcarz]

^^oh gorm on the man birthday too! lol

[sharkman121]

[Toyopet]

Not cool dudes

[neocyst]

Did you hear about the race between the two headless men?

It was neck and neck.

[DJShortCircuit]

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

[neocyst]

When bees die, what do they come back as?

Zom-bees!

[triniangie]

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto

lolz
still a all time fav!!!

[mitsuboi]

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

Policewoman: anything u say will be taken down!
Drunk man: Panties!!!!

[xauss]

I see dis in anodder ched, but it belong here:

What d crab say when he fall down d hill?

"Muhutmuhgundee"

[mitsu_chick941]

The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven. The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from Heaven and they stop to have a chat. "Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope. "No problem" replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to Heaven"
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Tiger: "You're a day late."

[zcarz]

The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven. The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from Heaven and they stop to have a chat. "Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope. "No problem" replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to Heaven"
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Tiger: "You're a day late."

hahahaha

[Toyopet]

Wana hear a dirty joke? Timmy was playing in the mud. Wana hear a clean joke? Timmy took a bath w/ bubbles. Wana hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the girl nxt door

[carfreak1024]

^^^^^^^ i hear that one in primary school yes, bring back some good memories yes.

[Ronaldo95163]

Two men walk into a bar...





Boodooop





Allyuh want to hear d joke bout d bread?





it to stale

____________________________________________________



why d duck cross d road?




it was on crack

___________________________________________________________________


Was d oldest animal in the world?




A zebra because it in black and white?

_________________________________________________________________

Three men went by ah man to get cars, but he say " i have a deal for allyuh, depending on how much times allyuh horn allyuh wife allyuh will get a specific car"

1st man say: once, he get a 120y


2nd man say: 3 times, he get a March


3rd man say: 6 times, he get an almera


So d third man glad too bad nah because he get ah almera but on the way home he saw his wife driving a BMW :O

_______________________________________________________________________


A man walk into courts and die why?






A sharp TV fall on him

_________________________________________________________________


3 men on a plane about to crash, d pilot say" Each one of allyuh hada throw of 25c and Jump off"

So d first man throw off he 25c and jump

Second man do d same


3rd man drop a dollar and stand up, so d plane crash and he end up in d hospital and d 2 men come and check him and dey ask him why he didnt jump, d man say he was waiting for he 75c change.


_______________________________________________________________________

What you call a fly with no wings?

a walk

_____________________________________________________________________



Ever hear bout d bald head rastaman, living round d straight corner on d three story flat?

_________________________________________________________________

[jay ahmad]

ah man paint ah house green an ah cow eat it. fin