stalest joke competiition

[Morpheus]

:mrgreen:

[daas]

Guy: I want a room
Receptionist: Sorry no rooms available
G: My name is improvement
R: So what?
G: there is always a room for improvement !!!

[Milkman45]

[FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY]

[Milkman45]

[FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY][FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY]

[Slartibartfast]

Story Time...

Warning: This joke is as long as it is stale

I went to watch a UEFA match in a bar after work once and saw an irish fella there. He had three guinnesses lined up in front of him. While I was sipping on my Stag I noticed that anytime he went to take a sip, he would sip from the first glass, then the second and then the third. I was thinking, this man know how to watch a match but when he finished he just got up and left without a word.

Every time I would go in after work to catch the ending of the match the same irish fella would be there at the same seat with three guinnesses lined up in front of him doing the same thing. So one day during the half time of the match and the "one more" time for me, I happened to catch him at the bar. So I asked

"Wouldn't it make more sense to buy one at a time so you don't end up drinking warm guinness halfway through?"
He replied "It would, especially since I don't really like guinness anyway"
I said "So why even drink it"
"Cuz I'm bloody Irish!" he smiled.
"But why three?" I laughed back

His smile vanished as he got a look of reminiscence in his eyes he said

"Back in Ireland since I was, a lil 'un, every day my two brothers and I would steal one of my dad's guinness take turn drinking from it. When we got older, we promised to never lose the tradition and no matter how busy we were, we would always meet by a pub in the afternoon for a sip. Even if it was just for five minutes. Now we all live in separate countries and have decided to carry on with that tradition. Hence the three guinnesses and sequential sipping"

I laughed, gave him a bongce and took my Stag and went to watch the rest of the match.

Over the next couple of weeks I would hail him out every time I saw him until one day I happened to catch him by the bar during half time again when I went to refuel my vice. I noticed that he seemed unusually sombre and withdrawn so I asked

"Everything Ok?"
"Yeah, yeah, just been a bit rough recently"

I went to say that at least he should have enough guinness to cheer him up but I noticed that today he only had two guinnesses in front of him. Putting two and two together, his depressed expression and missing guinness could only mean one thing. There were only two brothers left to carry on his tradition. Noticing this and trying to give him some solice I asked

"Everything okay with your brothers?"
He replied "Yeah, they should be doing okay"

Completely confused not I asked "So why only two guinnesses today and not three?"
He said

"Oh those are for my brothers, I quit drinking"

[Milkman45]

[SMILING FACE WITH OPEN MOUTH AND SMILING EYES]

[supremacy_007]

hahahahahahaha

[Chimera]

Better ending to that would have been "the doctor give me strict orders to stop drinking so those are for my brothers"

[88sins]

An amusing perspective of marriage




BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - *(&^ no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!























AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.

[BoostJunkieXL]

Ah king wanted a red grandchild so he put out a notice stating that any1 who can screw his daughter an produce a red baby will have half his kingdom an his daughters hand in marriage. Indian man come make a brown baby. Negro man come make black baby. Chinee man come an make a red baby. King say chinee half is yours buy tell meh how u get ah red popo. Chinee smile an say" Me kno chinee me kno trick me use ketchup inside me iron."

i thinks his would be funnier if he said " Me kno chinee me know trick me rub ketchup on me pr!ck"

[BoostJunkieXL]

Ah king wanted a red grandchild so he put out a notice stating that any1 who can screw his daughter an produce a red baby will have half his kingdom an his daughters hand in marriage. Indian man come make a brown baby. Negro man come make black baby. Chinee man come an make a red baby. King say chinee half is yours buy tell meh how u get ah red popo. Chinee smile an say" Me kno chinee me kno trick me use ketchup inside me iron."

i thinks his would be funnier if he said " Me kno chinee me know trick me rub ketchup on me pr!ck"

[The Paleontologist]

Ah king wanted a red grandchild so he put out a notice stating that any1 who can screw his daughter an produce a red baby will have half his kingdom an his daughters hand in marriage. Indian man come make a brown baby. Negro man come make black baby. Chinee man come an make a red baby. King say chinee half is yours buy tell meh how u get ah red popo. Chinee smile an say" Me kno chinee me kno trick me use ketchup inside me iron."

i thinks his would be funnier if he said " Me kno chinee me know trick me rub ketchup on me pr!ck"

Lol:lol:

[BoostJunkieXL]

Ah king wanted a red grandchild so he put out a notice stating that any1 who can screw his daughter an produce a red baby will have half his kingdom an his daughters hand in marriage. Indian man come make a brown baby. Negro man come make black baby. Chinee man come an make a red baby. King say chinee half is yours buy tell meh how u get ah red popo. Chinee smile an say" Me kno chinee me kno trick me use ketchup inside me iron."

i thinks his would be funnier if he said " Me kno chinee me know trick me rub ketchup on me pr!ck"

[Obi-Wan]

What was Bruce Lee's favourite drink?






WATARRR!!!

[Obi-Wan]

Q: What does Bruce Lee eat when he's hungry?


A: WhoppahhH!!!

[Slartibartfast]

I see Bruce Lee chop a candle in two with his bare hand





WAX!!!

[K74T]

Who did Bruce Lee blame for digging up newly paved roads?



WASA!!

[INHUMAN]

What is bruce Lee's favourite wild meat?





Ig-ua-naa

[Slartibartfast]

I went to buy a car from a man. He tell me even though the car old it wukkin bess, he change over real ting. I find the car was really looking good so I ask him what parts he change over.

He tell me

"Everything but the firewall"

[Kasey]

^^i dense. Please explain.

[Kasey]

^^i dense. Please explain.

[Obi-Wan]

Two Young Guys Appear In Court After Being Arrested For Smoking Dope.

The Judge Said To Them,

YYou Seem Like Nice Young Men. I’d Like To Give You A Second Chance Instead Of Jail Time. I Want You To Go Out This Weekend And Try To Convince Others Of The Evils Of Drug Use. I’ll See You Back In Court on Monday.”

On Monday, The Judge Asks The First Guy.

Judge: “How Did You Do Over The Weekend?”

First Guy: “Well, Your Honour, I Persuaded Seventeen People To Give Up Drugs Forever.”

Judge: “Seventeen People? That’s Wonderful! How Did You Do It?”

First Guy: “I Used A Diagram, Your Honour. I Drew Two Circles Like This: o O. Then I Told Them That The Big Circle Is Your Brain Before Drugs, And The Small Circle Is Your Brain After Drugs.”

The Judge Was Very Pleased By This & Said.

Judge: “That’s Admirable.”

Then He Turns To The Second Guy And Asked.

Judge: “And How Did You Do?”

Second Guy: “Well, Your Honour, I Persuaded 156 People To Give Up Drugs Forever.”

The Judge Was Even More Impressed & Asked.

Judge: “Wow! 156 People! How Did You Manage To Do That?”

Second Guy: “Well, I Used A Similar Diagram. I Drew Two Circles Like This: o O. Then I Pointed To The Little Circle And Said, ‘This Is Your A#%hole Before Prison.”

[evo_chic]

[Turbo]

Oh Snap!

[Morpheus]

LoL:lol:

[Cantmis]

Calm down shiv...

[Cantmis]

Calm down shiv...

[Cantmis]

Calm down shiv...

[Cantmis]

So cuz ulyuh see she name have chick and she have a female dp, u all laughing... Gosh boy

Calm down shiv

[Cantmis]

So cuz ulyuh see she name have chick and she have a female dp, u all laughing... Gosh boy

Calm down shiv