stalest joke competiition

[mostwanted]

maybe we shud hav a funniest joke competition now, dis ting startin 2 get over stale. all who agree wit me??????

[mitsuboi]

^^^i dont post stale !!!!!

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

-1.....

[sharkman121]

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And that's when the trouble started...

[matthewmazda]

Why did mickey mouse get shoot


















Duhh because donald duck

[Chimera]

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.The chief asked: 'Who is in the limo, the mayor? 'The policeman told him: 'No, someone more important than the mayor. 'Then the chief asked 'Is it the governor? 'The policeman answered: 'No, someone more important than the governor. 'The chief finally asked: 'Is it the President? 'The policeman answered: 'No, someone even more important than the President. 'This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: 'Now who is m ore important than the President?! 'The policeman calmly whispered: 'I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur. '






Ancient History Explained... A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time. The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture. They probably used the donkey to till the fields. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people. A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said, 'I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left. That way it reads, 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick! '

[turbosingh]

There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says

‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin! Get in the car!"

Alyuh great yes

[Mr. Red Sleeper]

Reading:"Skipping School" by Faye King

[altec]

A 3ne2ner runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Police officer. He thinks that he is smarter than the pow pow because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the the pow pow’s expense.
pow pow says, "License and registration, please."
3ne2ner says, "fer what?"
pow pow says, "You eh come to ah complete stop by the stop sign"
3ne2ner says, "Ah did slow down, and no one was coming."
pow pow says, "You still din come to ah complete stop. License and registration, please."
3ne2ner says, "But ent de two is de same ting?"
pow pow says, "Look nah fella, the law is the law. License and registration, please!"
3ne2ner says, "You eh even know the difference between slow down and stop. If you could make meh understand dat ah taking de ticket wid ah smile.”
pow pow says, "Ok, come out ah de car, sir."
At this point, the pow pow takes out his baton and starts beating the sheit out of the 3ne2ner.
3ne2ner says, “oh gawd oh gawd, wam day ocifer!!”
pow pow says "You want me to stop or jus slow down?"

[evo_chic]

wonder which 2nr was dat.. lolz

[evo_chic]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.

[LancerFanatic]

a kethcup and a mustard fighting.. d ketchup hit him "SWISS" d mustard hit him "Mattoux"

[jeepers]

what happened to the frog car when he parked it in port of spain?



it get toad!!!!!!

what did the tree say to the mountain?


stop peaking at me

one flea said to the other"do u wanna walk or shall we take a dog?

[devrat]

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had
shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the medicine to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the medicine for the itching powder, which he quickly put it into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's
voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less, and knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's loincloth. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

The Moral of the Story: Pay your bills.

[devrat]

Q. What do you do with 365 Used Condoms ??

A. Melt them down into a Tire ; and call it a Good·Year !!

[evo_chic]

Q: What did the digital clock say to his mother?

A: Look ma no hands!

[evo_chic]

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

[SmokeyGTi]

What is stress?



You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside
your car and you take her to hospital. Now that's stressful!

But at the hospital they say she is pregnant & congratulate you that you
are going to be a father. You say that you are not the father, but the girl
says you are. This is getting very stressful!!

So then...... you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are
infertile, and probably have been since birth.

You are extremely stressed, but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your 3 kids at home.

NOW THAT'S STRESS!!!!!

[COROLLA KID]

What is stress?



You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside
your car and you take her to hospital. Now that's stressful!

But at the hospital they say she is pregnant & congratulate you that you
are going to be a father. You say that you are not the father, but the girl
says you are. This is getting very stressful!!

So then...... you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are
infertile, and probably have been since birth.

You are extremely stressed, but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your 3 kids at home.

NOW THAT'S STRESS!!!!!

i thought STRESS was a one arm man hanging from a cliff and he have crabs "balls scratching"

[jeepers]

So, f(X) walks into a bar, and the baman takes one look at him and says, "I'm sorry, we don't cater for functions here"

[evo_chic]

So, f(X) walks into a bar, and the baman takes one look at him and says, "I'm sorry, we don't cater for functions here"

[Chimera]

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had
shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the medicine to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the medicine for the itching powder, which he quickly put it into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's
voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less, and knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's loincloth. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

The Moral of the Story: Pay your bills.

[COROLLA KID]

why didn't the lolly pop cross the road?????????





he didn't want to get lick down:S

[evo_chic]

^ idk why i laugh at that

[rotary73]

wa chinese ppl does make fense with?















WIREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[K74T]

A woman goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. She takes the first glass and pours it down the back of her skirt. The bartender looks on in amazement as she pours another glass, and again tips it down the back of her skirt.

His curiosity piqued, the bartender quickly inquires, "Lady, why are you pouring your drinks down your skirt?"

To which the woman replies, "I've just won the lottery and this is the only as$hole I'm sharing it with!"

[rollingstock]

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in
the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of
an old green John Deere.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off
first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches
his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls
fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then,
grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt
underneath.
With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his
baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck're ya doing,
Billy Bob?"
"Good Lord, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously
embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom
d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

[COROLLA KID]

A mother taught her son to go toilet by numbers.
1.Open ur zip
2.Tak out ur equipment
3.Pull da skin back
4.Do ur business
5.Pull da skin fwd
6.Store ur equipment
7.Close ur zip

She used 2 check him often & was so happy to listen da son saying
1,2,3,4,5,6,7

until 1 day
she hears him saying
3,5,3,5,3,5

[COROLLA KID]

Ladies and gents breaking news. Why machel and bunji fall out! The truth!
Machel and bunji was in a concert and they both went to use the urinal. While using the urinal bunji looked over and saw machels (Dick) bunji said machel how u grow dat thing so boi?
Machel say I in dis thing long time I learn all kina tricks. *machel say. When I go home after a fete and I take off my clothes in d bedroom before I go and lay wid my woman I tap my dick on the end of the bed 3 times. So after some time it swells. Bunji say nah ah gonna try that d very next day bungi coming home from a fete take off his clothes and tap his dick on d wood 3 times on d end of d bed so fay ann turn over and say machel thas you?

[sharkman121]

So, f(X) walks into a bar, and the baman takes one look at him and says, "I'm sorry, we don't cater for functions here"